tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4735508631630485262024-03-13T08:34:07.428-07:00dirty laundryUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger113125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473550863163048526.post-77599976513621541872016-07-25T17:09:00.000-07:002017-06-16T09:18:45.469-07:00Finding Peace in a Troubled World<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;">So, I’m a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints…more commonly known as a Mormon. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the things that I have always loved about church, is that we have no paid clergy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This means that the members of the congregation, young and old alike, give short sermons during our Sacrament Meeting, which we call talks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am headed back to Arizona this week, so my dad asked me to speak this past Sunday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I loved the topic that he gave me, and I have decided to share that with you.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5gOcwd_0dqVviIxlX8MsyxlYjN-445Lq91OU5r7qmb00ddmm2FUPpoyuuLhNb09i54PlkJ_jRl9MyxnW0WpJ2hyphenhyphenohTAunDHOJfP94t3O2t8b6dEmfZ_PE85NTDcJEU0c9-K8APq3eRYE/s1600/world+peace.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="305" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5gOcwd_0dqVviIxlX8MsyxlYjN-445Lq91OU5r7qmb00ddmm2FUPpoyuuLhNb09i54PlkJ_jRl9MyxnW0WpJ2hyphenhyphenohTAunDHOJfP94t3O2t8b6dEmfZ_PE85NTDcJEU0c9-K8APq3eRYE/s320/world+peace.png" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: center;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Finding Peace in a Troubled World</span></u></i></b><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;">.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 18pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: "american typewriter";">I find this to be so appropriate a topic right now, not only for our world, but also for my life.</span><span style="font-family: "american typewriter";"> </span><span style="font-family: "american typewriter";">Peace is NOT the word that comes to mind when I think of the world.</span><span style="font-family: "american typewriter";"> </span><span style="font-family: "american typewriter";">It is not a word that comes to mind when I think of my life.</span><span style="font-family: "american typewriter";"> </span><span style="font-family: "american typewriter";">That word…would be FEAR.</span><span style="font-family: "american typewriter";"> </span><span style="font-family: "american typewriter";">I have many things going on in my life right now that are making me fearful.</span><span style="font-family: "american typewriter";"> </span><span style="font-family: "american typewriter";">Add to that the disturbing current events that flood our news feeds and news outlets each and every day, and it makes me wish I hadn’t left my bottle of Xanax in Arizona this summer! </span><span style="font-family: "wingdings";">:)</span></span><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Cue: binge ice cream eating this summer!)<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Now, our Savior, Jesus Christ, does not want us to live in fear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think so many times, we (not just members of our church, but also all of Christianity), get so caught up in everything we are NOT supposed to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We get so caught up in avoiding sin and “helping” others avoid sin (insert eyeroll), that we forget why we are here on this earth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2 Nephi 2:25 reads, “Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are here to have joy!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;">But, what about Abraham 3:25, which says, “And we will prove them now herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Okay, so it’s actually a darn test, and we are supposed to keep ALL the commandments? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every single one of them?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All the time? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Yikes.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;">But y’all, it’s okay! Let’s go back to 2 Nephi 2 and read verse 26.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“And the Messiah cometh in the fullness of times, that he may redeem the children of men from the fall.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, how about John 3:16… “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him, should not perish, but have everlasting life.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;">There is absolutely HOPE for PEACE in this troubled world, but only through our Savior Jesus Christ…and that goes for us individually and collectively.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, if we want peace in our world, we must first start with peace in ourselves, and THAT begins with how we view others.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;">I have read a book called <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>The Anatomy of Peace</u></b>, several times, and I always find new nuggets of wisdom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This last time around, this quote stuck with me the most.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It reads, “So, if we are going to find lasting solutions to difficult conflicts or external wars we find ourselves in, we first need to find our way out of the internal wars that are poisoning our thoughts, feelings, and attitudes toward others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><u>If we can’t put an end to the violence within us, there is no hope for putting an end to the violence without</u>.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;">With everything going on in our country and the world today, it is so easy to fear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am afraid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most days, I really am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, let’s see what Howard W. Hunter said about fear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div style="background: white; margin-bottom: 19.5pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-line-height-alt: 14.65pt; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="color: #373737; font-family: "mercury ssm b" , "serif"; font-size: 18.0pt;">Fear . . . is a principal weapon in the arsenal that Satan uses to make mankind unhappy. He who fears loses strength for the combat of life in the fight against evil. Therefore, the power of the evil one always tries to generate fear in human hearts. . . .</span></i><span style="color: #373737; font-family: "mercury ssm b" , "serif"; font-size: 18.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i><span style="color: #373737; font-family: "mercury ssm b" , "serif"; font-size: 18.0pt;">. . . A timid, fearing people cannot do their work well, and they cannot do God’s work at all. Latter-day Saints have a divinely assigned mission to fulfill that simply must not be dissipated in fear and anxiety.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(</span></i><span style="background: white; color: #373737; font-family: "mercury ssm b" , "serif"; font-size: 11.5pt;">Howard W. Hunter, “An Anchor to the Souls of Men,” BYU devotional address, 7 February 1993.)<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="background: white; color: #373737; font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Satan wants us to give in to our fears, but our Heavenly Father wants us to hold on to hope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2 Timothy 1:7 reads, “God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we make a point to not be susceptible to all the fear mongering going on in the world right now, we truly will find peace in learning to love others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, we must learn to love them as <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>Christ</u></b> would love them...the actual Jesus Christ.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know, the one who dined with sinners, healed people on the Sabbath, and did not condemn the harlot?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah…that guy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He put <u>no</u> conditions on his love, and we should not either.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;">I read a <a href="https://www.facebook.com/glennondoylemelton/photos/a.213343589709.128680.178909129709/10154344255559710/?type=3&theater"><span style="color: #351c75;">post by Glennon Doyle Melton</span></a> on Facebook the other day about how many times the words “fear not” (or some variation of them) and “love” are repeated in the Bible. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did a bit of research on dear old Google, and found that this phrase is written <span style="color: #351c75;"><a href="https://www.reference.com/world-view/many-times-bible-say-fear-afraid-684d8fe66e524a8b">103</a></span>times in the Bible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "american typewriter";">(In my original talk on Sunday I said 365, because that’s that the interwebs had first told me…upon further research while editing this for my blog, I found the correction.)</span></i><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Additionally, it is written <a href="http://www.answers.com/Q/How_many_times_does_the_phrase_fear_not_appear_in_the_Book_of_Mormon"><span style="color: #351c75;">669</span></a>times in the Book of Mormon!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In our ancient scriptures it tells us almost 1,000 times to “FEAR NOT.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, let’s also take into account how many times our modern day prophets and apostles have admonished us to “FEAR NOT.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;">So, I then got on a kick of looking at how many times certain words, and their antonyms are found in the scriptures.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 24.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Y’all</span></u></b><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Gospel of Christ is one of hope and love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Positive words are used overwhelmingly more times in the scriptures than negative words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>During your personal scripture study, focus on that positivity!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have compiled these words into a list of what I will call “antidotes for Fear.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "american typewriter";">***Disclaimer, many of these numbers include variations on the words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For example, for the word LOVE, I also added in variations like loveth, lovest, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also did the math super quick in my head while my baby was napping, and I’m not about to go through all the data again!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>lol<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have listed the sites I used at the end of the post*** <o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;">I started with <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Faith</b> and Doubt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Faith is mentioned <u>663 times</u>, while Doubt is mentioned 39 times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sister Jean A. Stevens, first counselor in the Primary General Presidency, <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/fear-not-i-am-with-thee?lang=eng"><span style="color: #351c75;">said</span></a>, “As we develop greater faith and trust in the Lord, we can access his power to deliver us.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;">I, then, went on to <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Forgive</b> and Grudge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Forgive is mentioned <u>139 times</u>, and Grudge is mentioned just 6!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are commanded to forgive others, not for their sake, but for our own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Deiter F Uchtorf <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/the-merciful-obtain-mercy?lang=eng&_r=1"><span style="color: #351c75;">said</span></a>, “There is enough heartache and sorrow in this life without our adding to it through our own stubbornness, bitterness, and resentment.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be like <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0MK7qz13bU"><span style="color: #351c75;">Elsa</span></a>, and Let it Go!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "wingdings"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;">The next pair of words is <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Grace</b> and Justice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Grace is mentioned <u>201 times</u>, and Justice 98.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As members of the church, we focus a lot on “Faith without works is dead”…on becoming perfect. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let us not forget that we cannot be perfected in this life, and we cannot become perfect in the next without the atonement of our Savior Jesus Christ.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Should we keep the commandments and live a righteous life?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Absolutely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is it okay to make mistakes?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Absolutely, because we are saved by Grace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Quentin L Cook <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/lamentations-of-jeremiah-beware-of-bondage?lang=eng&_r=1"><span style="color: #351c75;">said</span></a>, “We are liberated by the love, Grace, and the atoning sacrifice of the Savior.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Happiness</span></b><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;"> or <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Joy</b> is mentioned <u>413 times</u>, while sadness or sorrow is only mentioned 201 times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dieter F. Uchtdorf <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/of-regrets-and-resolutions?lang=eng"><span style="color: #351c75;">said</span></a>, “No matter our circumstances, no matter our challenges or trials, there is something each day to embrace and cherish.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is something each day that can bring us joy if only we will see if and appreciate it.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Light</span></b><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;"> is mentioned <u>371 times</u>, while darkness has 153 mentions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vern P. Stanfill <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/10/choose-the-light?lang=eng"><span style="color: #351c75;">said</span></a>, “There is no darkness so dense, so menacing, so difficult that it cannot be overcome by Light.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Remember, Christ is the Light of the World.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Now, the last two I want to focus on, are Peace and War, and Love and Hate, as I think they are the most intertwined.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The more we love others, the more peace we will feel in our hearts, and <u>THAT</u> will overflow into the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Peace is mentioned <u>572 times</u>, and War is mentioned 288.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Love is written <u>385 times</u>, while Hate, only 220.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hatred of others is what </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 20.0pt; line-height: 150%;">robs us of peace</span></i><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hatred comes in many different forms as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It can be overt or well concealed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, hatred is what turns our hearts to war against our fellow man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fellow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Actual human beings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Obviously, the antidote to hate, is <u>always</u>love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;">A friend (I’m lookin at you Brenna!) recently shared with me a passage of scripture from the Book of Mormon that has changed her perspective on her fear of those that are different than her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is found in Mosiah 9:1.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It reads, “I, Zeniff, having been taught in all the language of the Nephites, and having had a knowledge of the land of Nephi, or of the land of our fathers’ first inheritance, and having been sent as a spy among the Lamanites that I might spy out their forces, that our army might come upon them and destroy them—<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">but when I saw that which was good among them, I was desirous that they should not be destroyed.</i>” </span><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 150%;">(emphasis added)</span><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Zeniff saw the GOOD in a people that he had always been <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">told</i> were bad, and his heart turned to peace towards them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;">My friend also shared with me a quote whose authorship is unknown. “There is so much good in the worst of us, and so much bad in the best of us, that it hardly behooves any of us, to talk about the rest of us.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;">There is so much good, and so much beauty in every single person on this planet…but we must see them through our Father’s eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can do that through sincere prayer and earnest pleading with our father.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>CS Lewis said, “I pray because I can’t help myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pray because I’m helpless.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pray because the need flows out of me all the time – waking and sleeping.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It doesn’t change God – it changes me.” <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;">I mentioned to my dad that in the wake of all the recent tragedies that I would never take my kids anywhere again for any sort of celebration…. I now realize that that is the wrong mindset.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If tragedy were to come upon us, I would want it to be because we are living life to it’s fullest and enjoying all of the beautiful people and things that our Heavenly Father created….HE CREATED US ALL…. Muslim, Jew, Christian… White, Black, Hispanic…Criminal, and Cop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are ALL brothers and sisters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We must STOP being afraid of each other and START loving each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We must start loving our Savior and HIS <u>atonement</u> and HIS <u>grace</u>more than we love HIS <u>justice</u> for others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thomas S. Monson <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/finding-joy-in-the-journey?lang=eng"><span style="color: #351c75;">said</span></a>to never let a problem to be solved become more important than a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>person</u></i> to be loved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>THAT is how we will find peace in this troubled world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We must hold on to faith, forgiveness, grace, happiness, joy, light, peace and LOVE.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We find that through immersing ourselves in the scriptures, going to the temple, and fellowshipping with our neighbors…neighbors both similar to us and different from us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Love</span></u></i></b><span style="font-family: "american typewriter"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 150%;">will always blot out hate just as <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>Light</u></i></b> will always dispel darkness.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></div><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> <o:PixelsPerInch>96</o:PixelsPerInch> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings></xml><![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> 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I think if I avoid it that maybe it will just go away. Yeah freaking right.<br /><br />I had a really awesome counseling session today though, and I really wanted to get my thoughts out. <br /><br />I have been reading the book <u>The Right to Innocence: Healing the Trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse</u>, and I recently got to a chapter entitled <i>Releasing your Anger</i>. That is where I stopped for awhile, because I am angry... very angry. I'm literally angry at just about every person in my life for one thing or another... but let's be honest, I've mostly just been angry at myself. I've been angry that I can't stick to a healthier diet or make the necessary changes that I need. I've been angry at myself that I can't lose weight, that I am always late to work, that I am not a better mom, that I don't clean like I should, or cook like I should, or always follow through like I should. I'm just angry... all the time... and I don't want to be anymore.<br /><br />The downside to being so angry at yourself, is that often times it becomes displaced anger. I'm angry at myself for waking up late, so I displace that onto my two year old who is feeding off my anxiety and having a hard time getting her shoes on and out the door. I am angry at myself for eating that burger and fries, so I displace my anger onto my husband for simply wanting me to be healthy. I am angry at myself for not being as efficient as I would like at work, so I displace my anger onto a coworker for not being as stressed as I am.<br /><br />Silly. I know this.<br /><br />What's awesome about this particular chapter in this book is that it validates the anger, because as long as it's directed at the right person, it can be very therapeutic. The author makes mention that many times an abuse victim will be overweight as an outward sign of an inward struggle. We don't love ourselves on the inside. We feel unworthy and dirty, so oftentimes, as in my case, an abuse victim will pack on a few extra pounds as A) a barrier or a defense, and B) to reflect how we feel about ourselves on the inside.<br /><br />After describing this tendency,* the author gives the reader an exercise to complete. (I haven't done it, but I will be this weekend hopefully) In this exercise you are supposed to sit in a quiet and calming place. The abuse victim is to then focus on all of the people that he/she is angry at... parents, siblings, friends, children, spouses, etc... while thinking about whether or not the anger is appropriately placed, which in most cases, it is not. Unless those people deliberately put you in harm's way, or were the abusers, there is no need for anger at them. <br /><br />The next step to the exercise is to then visualize the anger and self loathing you have towards yourself....to visualize the yuckiness and unworthiness and guilt and shame that is built up inside you. You then visualize reaching down inside of you to gather all of the gunk out and then make a throwing motion towards your visualized abuser. While it sounds a bit silly, she says to actually pretend to throw it at your abuser so that your body feels you throwing it away.<br /><br />In going over this exercise/visualization with my counselor, he recommended very strongly that I complete it soon. Even though I was just a little girl, I have carried a burden of guilt around with me my entire life since the abuse happened. I have blamed myself, even though I would never blame any other little girl or boy for what happened to them... but I have blamed myself...<br /><br />As I was crying quietly in his office, my counselor asked me why I thought that HE thought this was an important exercise for me... and it clicked. I said, "...because this is not MY burden to bear. this is not my mistake. this is not my guilt. this is not my shame. this is not my sin. this abuse...it is not mine to carry... it is his, and i have been carrying it for him for 21 years... and I am tired."<br /><br />I told him that I didn't want to carry it anymore, because I didn't want to feel like that anymore. I told him that I know I have a beauty and a brightness inside of me. THAT is what I want to carry around and identify with. Throughout the course of my life, you can see how I feel about myself through my eyes. There are times when my eyes are dark, and there are times when my eyes are bright. I want them to be bright more often than not.<br /><br />At the very end of my session today, my counselor said he wanted me to keep what I said as my mission statement to "Be Beautiful and Be Bright" every day. Whether that means that I don't yell at my daughter, or that I put on make up, or that I wake up on time, or that I go to the gym, it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is to do something that shows light, and not darkness.<br /><br />Be Beautiful. Be Bright.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/L84Vrq-L6NE?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">*This tendency to pack on pounds is only one of the many struggles abuse victims find themselves in. They also can often develop bulimia, anorexia, self mutilation, alcohol or drug abuse, and many other self desctructive behaviors... all with the purpose of self medicating or as an indicator of self loathing.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473550863163048526.post-9640081702367178092013-10-09T21:19:00.000-07:002017-06-16T09:18:45.570-07:00Blessings?I came across this song recently and have really connected to it. Thoughts?<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/XQan9L3yXjc?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473550863163048526.post-58628254499146733882013-10-09T21:01:00.000-07:002017-06-16T09:18:45.615-07:00Who Am I?Recently my counselor and I have not really touched the subject of my abuse. I think he sensed that I needed a break. Healing from something like that is incredibly taxing emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. I needed some time away from it, so we have been mainly focusing on my need to be super woman. <br /><br />I want to do it all and be it all, but I have learned that because of the abuse I tend to focus my time on things that I have the most control over. I don't like feeling out of control, which is what your abuser takes from you. What that means in my life at this time is that I focus mostly on work, which means that in turn, my relationships with people suffer... even my most important relationships with my daughter and husband. As I'm sure most of you know, it's REALLY hard to control a 2 year old girl and a 40 year old man. They just don't do what I want them to do ALL the time! Let's be honest... very rarely do they do what I would like them to do! ;)<br /><br />So, not only have I been putting in nine hour days at work, but I would come home and open my computer up and work...and work... and work... and work some more. I would work instead of take advantage of the few precious hours that I had with my daughter. I would work instead of spending time with my husband after the baby had gone to sleep. <br /><br />I would work because I was good at it, and it was a way for me to excel at something and not have to focus on the broken parts of myself. However, that was causing more parts to break. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown... like crazy town breakdown. In talking to my counselor he asked me two very important questions. First, he asked me if I got paid extra for working at home.... No. Second, he asked me if that was more important than spending time with my daughter and husband...again, No. So then why was I doing that?!<br /><br />Another thing that it was doing, is that with me being focused on everyone and everything but myself, I had lost who I was. I look in the mirror and see a shell of who I once was. A bigger shell because I've gained weight, but just a shell. There is no more sparkle in my eye, there is no more vibrancy. I miss that. I miss me. <br /><br />We made some goals. 1) No more working from home. 2) Pick up a new hobby. 3) Spend time nurturing important relationships. 4) Nurture myself to re-find myself.<br /><br />We made those goals three weeks ago, and here is how I am doing. <br /><br />1) I don't work from home anymore. Every once in awhile I will, but for the most part, work stays at work.<br /><br />2) I have not decided on my hobby yet. I'm toying with a couple ideas though, so hopefully that will come soon.<br /><br />3) I spend time with my husband and my daughter in the evenings and on the weekends. <br /><br />4) This is the hard one. I have been doing some pretty small things that I enjoy, like I read a book and started eating healthy. I've lost a few pounds, so I'm happy about that. I have a long way to go just like with everything else, but I know I can get there one step at a time.<br /><br />The thing I am having the most trouble with is figuring out who I am anymore. I really like who I used to be, but I am not that person anymore. I have a husband. I have a daughter. I have an entirely different perspective in life due to those paradigm shifts. <br /><br />However, I do have another blog that's more our family journal (I'm horrible at keeping it up though). I was writing an update post earlier, and saw the little blurb I had written about myself off to the side. It says:<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">hi! my name is karly and thanks for stopping by! i am a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter, a teacher, and a friend. right now i call the desert of Arizona home, but the SOUTH will always be my true home as it is indelibly etched into my heart and soul.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;">I think that's a good place to start, but let me ask those of you that know me. <br /><br />Who do YOU think I am?</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473550863163048526.post-73867412388903275652013-10-09T20:34:00.000-07:002013-10-09T20:34:09.755-07:00it's been awhile crocodileit's been a very long time since I last posted, and the winds of change have been a blowin! Here are the highlights...<br />
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1) I got a new job! I am not an online high school teacher. I teach in the electives department, and they already have me branching out from Spanish. I not only teach Spanish, but also a career exploration course, and they have also allowed me to teach a middle school course based on the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens. That's probably my favorite class so far, and those middle school kids have some amazing things to say. It's like this world hasn't jaded them yet, and I hope they stay that way. As with any job there are things about it that I really like, and things about it that I don't really like. I am making more money though, which will help us to get out of debt sooner, but it's tough because it's full time so that means less time with the booboo. We were so sad to have to leave Jenny's, where Lae had been going for two years, but we found a full time situation that is just about as close to Jenny as you can get. Eventually I will be able to phase out of the office and work part time from home, which will be really amazing, especially if we would like our family to grow anytime soon.<br />
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2) I got a new nephew! Well, I guess I should say I got a nephew, since I didn't have any before. It's so surreal that my baby sister now has a baby, but it is the truth. He is chunky, and smiley, and perfect. I never appreciated Laela's baby cry more though. That kid has got some lungs on him, and he is not shy about making sure everyone on the block knows he is ticked that mom isn't getting that milk to him fast enough! Seriously though, cutest kid ever. (after Lae of course) :)<br />
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3) Krista moved to Florida! I'm insanely jealous of her new office view that looks out over my grandparents' property along the Orange River. She moved down there to look after dear old gram, plus she was due for some change and a new adventure. I am super duper sad she is like 6 times further away now though.<br />
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4) JJ's grandmother, affectionately known as everyone's Nana, passed away two weeks ago. She was essentially JJ's mother, so it's been very hard. Booboo and I flew out there to see her while she was still living. That meant we didn't get to attend the funeral, as we just didn't have the money, but we felt it was more important for her to see Laela, and for Laela to see her one more time. She was an incredibly special lady to everyone that ever knew her. The obituary written by Aunt Jean was one of the most touching tributes I have ever read. I will add that as a post as well.<br />
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5) We moved and hate our new apartment. Epic. Fail. We cannot wait until our lease is up in May!!<br />
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Welp, that's all I can think of for now folks. More soon....hopefully.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473550863163048526.post-38254122728393050092013-08-04T20:15:00.000-07:002017-06-16T09:18:45.636-07:00AvoidanceWell, I did what I always do... I have been avoiding this blog... because by avoiding this blog I have been avoiding change. I have fallen back into old destructive behaviors and thoughts. <br /><br />I have lost sight of my goal. <br /><br />Believe it or not... this sucks. Big surprise right?<br /><br />Attempting to heal from what happened to me requires me to go to a place that I have been trying desperately my whole life to get away from. It requires me to go back. To experience what happened to me over and over again as I strip every part of it away from me. <br /><br />So I have been avoiding it. <br /><br />But, I have an amazing counselor that called me to the carpet recently. I love that he doesn't mince words with me. I love that he holds me accountable, and reprimands me when I don't do what I say I'm going to do. THAT is what I need. I don't need someone to coddle me. I need someone to expect and demand change.<br /><br />We made a breakthrough this past month though. I have come to realize that I still am desperately holding on to that little girl inside of me. I realized that I haven't attempted to change or heal before now because in some skewed view of the universe I felt that I would be letting her down if I let her go...that I would be telling her it was okay what happened to her if I let go. I want her to know that I see her. That I hear her. That I know her. That I love her.<br /><br />But I have to let go... I have to let HER go. <br /><br />I now can see that by letting go and healing, that I am validating her in a way that I can't by holding on. By healing, I am telling her that what happened to her doesn't define us... doesn't control us. I am taking power away from HIM and giving it back to US. <br /><br />I don't have to push her away and hide her, because she is a part of me. But, I must live in the present, and I must show her that she has more power than she thinks... that I have more power than *I* think.<br /><br />I heard this song in church last week and it really struck a chord (no pun intended ;) ) Enjoy.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbFbp2AZL5o">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbFbp2AZL5o</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473550863163048526.post-16135222062684784502013-05-21T21:55:00.000-07:002017-06-16T09:18:45.656-07:00blessingsFirst, I just wanted to thank everyone for their outpouring of love and support for my post the other night. It was extremely difficult to put that out there, but I believe it's part of my healing process. I don't really have any "successes" to report, other than everyone is still alive, which in my book right now is pretty darn successful! :)<br /><br />Anyways, tonight I had an interesting experience. I am incredibly sick, and have been for about four weeks. I've been alternating a stomach bug and bronchitis. It's pretty awesome... no, actually it's not. ;) I asked for a priesthood blessing* tonight, and was so grateful that my home teacher was able to come over at 9:30 pm and help out with that. I asked for a blessing of health, but got so much more....<br /><br />Like I said in my previous post, I have been extremely angry at God my entire life because of what happened. I am STILL angry, but I'm trying not to be angry at Him. It is NOT His fault that someone exercised their agency for evil. He DOESN'T want things like this to happen, but if he intervened, he would "cease to be God." He gave us our agency, and unfortunately must watch with sorrow as horrible things happen. Now, I know that's the right answer.... that's the thing... I KNOW the answers to all those deep questions about life... but I don't *feel* them. His atonement is not "written on the fleshy part of my heart. <br /><br />This is one of the things I am trying to work on... letting HIM take over and take it away. Well, it will never truly go away, but HE can make living with this trauma bearable. I know he can, but I don't know how to trust people, much less a God that I cannot see... though I have felt Him. I don't talk to Him much about what happened to me... in fact I don't talk to him very much at all, because I'm scared of being vulnerable. I am scared of opening up and really starting to heal, because I know it's going to be ugly and painful. However, I did ask him recently to allow me to have a spiritual experience. I just needed a little push from Him to let me know that He would be there when I was ready. Well, I think I am *almost* ready.<br /><br />Tonight, during my "blessing of health," I was actually given a blessing of comfort. The words that came out of a man's mouth, who doesn't know anything about my situation, came straight from the Spirit.** He said things that only God would know, and he recognized my innermost struggles and the wounds in my soul. However, I was also promised not only physical healing, but a healing of that wounded soul as well. <br /><br />God is great. I know he is there. I know he knows MY name. I know he is waiting for me to take the first step, and I'm almost there... almost there.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/INO0zl0g9sc?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/vIrGKB5nRKE?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">*for those of you that are not of my faith, you can read about priesthood blessings here: http://mormon.org/searchresults#?query=priesthood%20blessings&filter=site</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">**you can also read about our beliefs on the Godhead here: http://mormon.org/searchresults#?query=godhead&filter=site</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473550863163048526.post-37756797162554486232013-05-17T21:16:00.000-07:002017-06-16T09:18:45.687-07:00it's been a year...yes, it's been a year since my last post. i've been putting off writing this post for many reasons, but i'm tired of excuses, and it's time to tell my story. <br /><br />let me add in a disclaimer here... this is a tragic story about what happens all too often to innocent children... sexual abuse. i have been seeing a therapist for a few months now, and i talked to him a lot about this. he is happy that i want to share my story, but he told me to be careful because many times we can experience "vicarious traumatization," meaning that someone else may be traumatized by my story. that is obviously not my intention, so if this topic is too hard for you to stomach, i would suggest saving this post for another time.<br /><br />after years of trying to deal with my trauma in many different ways, i have decided that face it head on, and learn to heal the wounds that were left on my soul so many years ago. i feel strongly that part of my healing process is to tell my story. there is a nine year old little girl inside of me that has been screaming in my head for the last 21 years, and it's time to acknowledge her and let her speak. <br /><br />you may be wondering why i would want to do this in such a public place. why would i want to share some of the most intimate and tragic details of my life with people other than my family? the answer is simple. i am pissed as hell. it makes me furious that little girls and boys have to go through this... to have your innocence and trust be shattered in the most traumatic of ways. did you know that 1 in 3 girls (and 1 in 7 boys) is sexually abused in some form by the time they are 18 years old?! let me tell you that statistic again.... ONE in THREE. i feel that as a society we don't talk about it enough, which is also why i am sharing this here. it's one of the "unspeakables," which for me only fosters a sense of shame and guilt for the victims. if my story can help even one other person to start on their healing journey, then it is well worth any of the scrutiny or criticism that may come of this. <br /><br />i was nine years old when i was sexually abused by an older, male cousin. it only happened one time, and for that i am grateful. i know others who have experienced abuse far worse than what i went through, but that doesn't make what i went through any less traumatic. as a young girl i was not emotionally ready to handle what happened to me. i felt worthless and dirty, and i didn't want anyone to know... so i kept it to myself for the next five years. when i finally told my parents i felt like i was somehow broken, but i didn't want to admit that. i've always been the "strong" one, so i refused counseling, which looking back now, was a decision that i will always regret. i then fell into a dangerous and destructive cycle as i tried to "treat" myself, which really just meant i tried to pretend it didn't happen. <br /><br />pretending it didn't happen just made everything worse. i was shattered into a million pieces on the inside, but i put on a happy face for everyone around me. i was an athlete, a good student, a good friend, but this little girl inside of me was always yelling at me to fix her, and i didn't know how. i went to church on sunday, i went to early morning seminary* every day of the week during the school year, i went to mutual on wednesday, and i went to EFY and girls camp every summer...but it was all for show. i was angry at God, and because i was so angry, i felt unworthy of His love. <br /><br />i was fifteen years old when i had my first drink, and over the next 11 years i fell into an awful pattern. my life would be going good and i would get spooked because i "didn't deserve" a good life, so i would go out and do something to self-destruct. i also would attract, and probably even sought out destructive relationships, where i wasn't treated very well at all. i did this because i blamed myself for what had happened to me, which in my mind translated to me deserving everything bad that happened to me... whether at my own hand or at someone else's. <br /><br />Now, i know it wasn't my fault...well i guess i should say i'm starting to believe that it wasn't my fault. i am at the very beginning of what i know is going to be a long and painful journey. i feel so blessed to have the family that i do for support and the counselor that i do for guidance. and i also feel blessed to have this outlet to share my journey. i know i set this blog up as somewhere to make and achieve goals, but i am so incredibly far from that. at this point, i am going to be focusing on doing a couple things every day that will make me feel better. i'm going to be trying to replace destructive thoughts and behaviors with positive thoughts and behaviors. i am also going to use this as a place to talk about counseling sessions, and any thoughts i have about what we talked about. i am taking my life and turning it upside down and i am excited for what is in store. <br /><br />recently my sister came to visit and brought me a present... a piece of her art.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfpN5qdquJC-PAXsHy5QPG4t0psmKH7wlO3no-iw7Hq1zBwfH1TuIi2Y2c7vahJ3rtsH5mAHwU78GedwYO5NYhdFcvnEqZ7ni3vF67FeQUXboK0-M1hiyPjBJT3Zhv9_rKq94ML0iaikc/s1600/photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfpN5qdquJC-PAXsHy5QPG4t0psmKH7wlO3no-iw7Hq1zBwfH1TuIi2Y2c7vahJ3rtsH5mAHwU78GedwYO5NYhdFcvnEqZ7ni3vF67FeQUXboK0-M1hiyPjBJT3Zhv9_rKq94ML0iaikc/s320/photo.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />i had seen her working on this piece over the last couple years and always liked it. i also always thought it was a drawing of her. when she gave it to me she told me that the girl in the picture, was in fact, me...that she has watched me over the years as i've fallen and climbed and fallen and climbed... and that she was proud of me. i love this picture for what it represents right now in my life. i have been in the valley of shadows for awhile now, but i feel as the girl in the picture right now. i feel i am climbing up into the sunshine and even though it hurts, it feels good. i know there are some mountains in front of me that i still need to climb, but i'm finally ready for the challenge.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">*for those of you not of my faith, seminary is essentially an early morning religion class that lasts your four years of high school, mutual is our midweek activity, and EFY and girls camp are religious summer camps.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473550863163048526.post-20027169333261794672013-01-14T21:17:00.003-08:002013-01-14T21:17:44.412-08:00"What's Mine is Yours"The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away...<br />
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhMfQVBpoSY">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhMfQVBpoSY</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473550863163048526.post-66727201307196825622013-01-03T11:00:00.002-08:002013-01-03T12:15:34.498-08:00Angels<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj1K56LvYL8CX7eTmTRVLIeBhvjKeuZ8BwfYwToqgTsTufFTfNuLwLHOAY-ffA5srAu_tDkCRwfZ3fLitgcjeFZWER8iN4ZeTiOrHIrSwQTF-9ihwGL-grZBmc-gpPji2qQgGL0RC-RdhV/s1600/sculpture+of+the+unborn+child.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj1K56LvYL8CX7eTmTRVLIeBhvjKeuZ8BwfYwToqgTsTufFTfNuLwLHOAY-ffA5srAu_tDkCRwfZ3fLitgcjeFZWER8iN4ZeTiOrHIrSwQTF-9ihwGL-grZBmc-gpPji2qQgGL0RC-RdhV/s320/sculpture+of+the+unborn+child.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-small;">*sculpture of the unborn child by Martin Hudack of Slovakia*</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">When I shared this photo on my Facebook wall on December 15, I shared it because it was beautiful and touching. I have a few friends that have experienced miscarriages at various stages of pregnancy... in fact I shared it from the wall of one of those dear friends. I shared it to show my love and support of all those (1 in 4 mind you) that have had a loss. I also shared it because I had just found out that I was pregnant... about 5 weeks along, and I knew what it was like to love that tiny bean growing inside your belly, even before it had a heart, or a face, or even it's "flippers." :) I had never lost a pregnancy, but I could only imagine the pain that would accompany losing one. Laela was my first, she stuck, and now she's turning TWO in 8 days! (oh cruel time, please slow down)</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj-Pg8GFwz98SfUzprIykgvuMcChmKhXZNcQkClDUGYv9a0x-UtNxfPJDmuMMw6UVIZwyUQ7ctgoXYByxRFAuFCuEfw0nqVh1Y2PT8nuVt3byAnL97VX1Hz6p7R2w_xfv5y28n5z6C1hwo/s1600/photo-25.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj-Pg8GFwz98SfUzprIykgvuMcChmKhXZNcQkClDUGYv9a0x-UtNxfPJDmuMMw6UVIZwyUQ7ctgoXYByxRFAuFCuEfw0nqVh1Y2PT8nuVt3byAnL97VX1Hz6p7R2w_xfv5y28n5z6C1hwo/s320/photo-25.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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We bought Laela this shirt to tell our family on Christmas Eve, and I told a few friends and my sisters... even though I wasn't supposed to. I was SO early along, but I was SO excited and just couldn't hold it in. We were so excited to be growing our little family. We were worried about finances, but this baby wasn't *planned,* so we were convinced it was "meant to be." </div>
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Christmas eve rolled around and we put Laela into her shirt and sent her into my parents room where they were getting ready for Christmas Eve dinner with family friends. She waltzed right in, with the rest of us lurking in the hallway to hear the reactions. Nothing happened for a few minutes and we started to get impatient. Then we heard, "Wait a minute.... what does that say... look at this... is that saying what I think it's saying?" and them my mom came running out to the hallway crying with excitement. We of course had a great laugh at her expense since she was the "last to know"... as usual. FYI to everyone out there... if your little girl has sisters she's extremely close to, they will be the first to know everything for the rest of their lives. Being a sister is a very special bond.</div>
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Christmas morning arrived, and not like anyone planned. Kaycie's husband Alex had come down with the flu and was having relations with the porcelain throne just about every half hour. We decided to postpone Christmas until the next day because Laela really didn't know what was going on anyways, so what did it matter? We went about our day watching movies, taking naps, taking turns playing nurse to the sick one, and spending time with the fam. Then something went horribly wrong... with me...</div>
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JJ and I went to the ER about 6 pm, and we were there until about midnight. Around 10:30 pm we got the devastating news that there was no longer a heartbeat... no longer a pregnancy. I started praying... not very nicely I might add... asking why this had happened. I know I was *only seven weeks along* but I was already extremely attached to that little bean. Laela would pat my belly and say "hi baby!" just about every day. How was I going to tell her there was "no more baby," and would she even understand? At that moment I heard a voice in my head tell me that this was "for my good and to take a huge burden off of my shoulders at this time." I protested, saying back, "but this is my baby... this is Laela's sibling!" The voice then very quietly and reassuringly said, "There will be more."</div>
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As I grieved the loss of this baby in the arms of my husband, I knew that this precious spirit was back in the arms of their Heavenly Father to wait just a little longer for a better time to come to our family. I marveled at the miracle of our body... that it can create life in the first place, but it can also take care of and protect itself if something just isn't right with the pregnancy. My body was not ready physically to be pregnant again... there are some things I need to do first. I also thought about a dear friend that had just given birth to her *rainbow baby* that very Christmas day. Babies born after a loss are referred to as rainbow babies because they are the rainbow after the storm. </div>
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The next day we celebrated *Christmas* by opening presents. My husband, who was going to buy me a food dehydrator, still wanted to have something under the tree for me. He went out in search of something on Christmas Eve, and this is what he found...</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmUFFOvd52FGC31aFTqYvliP2voRHg_S643MD_1jg-vTUnElNTuO3d-bTsj-gQFfQv6xWRIx3a9eWeBCUdp8i5TYkqcw_M07JD6zu8ed8nc9eobgq_wWRMnVemag19n83OeWzDpqfTd_i0/s1600/photo-26.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmUFFOvd52FGC31aFTqYvliP2voRHg_S643MD_1jg-vTUnElNTuO3d-bTsj-gQFfQv6xWRIx3a9eWeBCUdp8i5TYkqcw_M07JD6zu8ed8nc9eobgq_wWRMnVemag19n83OeWzDpqfTd_i0/s320/photo-26.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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Who knew the significance that this would really have?</div>
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A few days later I was given a poem by one of JJ's cousins who knew all too well what I was going through. It's called "Just Those Few Weeks" by Susan Erling</div>
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<i>For those few weeks - </i></div>
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<i>I had you to myself.</i></div>
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<i>And that seems too short a time</i></div>
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<i>to be changed so profoundly.</i></div>
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<i>In those few weeks - </i></div>
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<i>I came to know you...</i></div>
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<i>and to love you.</i></div>
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<i>You came to trust me with your life.</i></div>
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<i>Oh, what a life I had planned for you!</i></div>
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<i>Just those few weeks - </i></div>
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<i>When I lost you,</i></div>
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<i>I lost a lifetime of hopes, </i></div>
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<i>plans, dreams, and aspirations...</i></div>
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<i>A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.</i></div>
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<i>Just those few weeks - </i></div>
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<i>It wasn't enough time to convince others</i></div>
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<i>How special and important you were.</i></div>
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<i>How odd, a truly unique person has recently died</i></div>
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<i>and no one is mourning the passing.</i></div>
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<i>Just a mere few weeks - </i></div>
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<i>And no "normal" person would cry all night</i></div>
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<i>over a tiny, unfinished baby,</i></div>
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<i>Or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day.</i></div>
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<i>No one would, so why am I?</i></div>
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<i>You were just those few weeks my little one.</i></div>
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<i>You darted in and out of my life too quickly.</i></div>
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<i>But it seems that's all the time you needed</i></div>
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<i>to make my life so much richer</i></div>
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<i>and give me a small glimpse of eternity.</i></div>
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With all my talk about "meaning" and "reason" and "miracles," some may say that I have great perspective and seem to be *healing* well. I am trying. However, there are days that I don't want to get out of bed. There are days that I want to cry all day long. But, all I need to do is think about her....</div>
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...this precious girl that is right here in front of me. She is my everything.</div>
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God lives. He loves me. He has a plan for me, and he will bless me with another sweet baby in His time. Until then I will wait, I will watch, and I will wonder, but most of all... I will love.</div>
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<!--3--><!--3-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473550863163048526.post-31804279785955437742012-05-23T23:12:00.000-07:002017-06-16T09:18:45.708-07:00MIAhey y'all! i have been MIA for the last few weeks. i haven't quit, life just got REALLY busy. the end of the school year is the busiest time for a teacher, so it's been crazy at work. also, my granddad passed away and we traveled to florida for his memorial. needless to say, i haven't been fantastic with my goals of late. i'm still chugging away though and will write a more thorough check in when school is out and my grades are submitted. :)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473550863163048526.post-53707413350123641932012-04-29T22:12:00.000-07:002012-04-29T22:12:17.011-07:00sleeping beauty<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Our girl loves to sleep... most of the time. :) However, many nights i will go in and find her in positions that do NOT look comfortable. i have learned, the hard way, never to touch her though because she's a pretty light sleeper and will be up in an instant!</div>
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i HATE it when she sticks her feet through the bars because sometimes her legs get stuck and that's no fun trying to pull wooden bars apart to rescue her... we almost broke out the butter one time.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5yVwSP8qBidV6GkIhJLqTVZ4eg9wt8zA_dnSRgKPDSIDWsC-LWFAjdbO4tcV1JW8CWx4gNsjO9IJkISVCe2gjzMpv5D7VIhU_xb8BTqi1yK9bMgM20oqLAbfKvYqIMm5lucVenv8MvlmP/s1600/IMG_1755.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5yVwSP8qBidV6GkIhJLqTVZ4eg9wt8zA_dnSRgKPDSIDWsC-LWFAjdbO4tcV1JW8CWx4gNsjO9IJkISVCe2gjzMpv5D7VIhU_xb8BTqi1yK9bMgM20oqLAbfKvYqIMm5lucVenv8MvlmP/s320/IMG_1755.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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here she is one afternoon when i went to wake her from a nap...</div>
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and finally here she is about two weeks ago. seriously?! how can that be even remotely comfortable?! </div>
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p.s. do NOT judge me for the christmas pj's. we had a little cold snap and it got down to like 40 overnight, and those are her only really warm jammies. :)</div>
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these pictures are a wonderful visual as to why JJ and i get NO sleep when she ends up in our bed, which isn't very often (unless her mouth hurts a lot from those pesky teeth), but it's just a horrible night of sleep for everyone. i literally woke up last night (or really about 3 am) and i was half way off the bed! love this girl! :)</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473550863163048526.post-29424142985265628922012-04-29T22:00:00.000-07:002017-06-16T09:18:45.733-07:00Week 3So this week was better than last week for some things, and worse than last week for others.<br /><br />Goal 1: work out 4 times... i didn't work out once! not even once! i have no excuse besides "i was tired." i am in a vicious cycle with my horrible back. i was once again cursed with the family genes with inheriting my horribly crooked hips and deteriorating discs. i really need to be super fit (especially in my core) in order to save myself from all my back problems, but the moment i even THINK about doing something physical, my back decides that it would rather i just sit out. i'm really thinking that until i can lose some weight i will have to limit myself to walking. i KNOW that walking is a wonderful exercise, but for some reason it just seems like it's not enough. i still think of myself as an "athlete," which i used to be, and can be again someday, but for right now i need to remember that i'm a 31 year old mom with a bad back. :-D<br /><br />Goal 2: read my scriptures 10 minutes every night... i struggled with this for some reason this week and i think i only read twice. i just plain forgot. i'm thinking i might need to make myself some sort of a sign to hang on my bed to remind me.<br /><br />Goal 3: technology fast... i did alright with this one, but i think that instead of lightening up a little, i'm actually going to go more strict. i'm going to set a timer for my facebook usage so that once i get to an hour i'm done for the day whether that is at 9 AM or 9 PM. i'm also going to quit pinning things on pinterest until i've actually looked at everything i've pinned so far. i'm going to go to each website and decide if it's something i actually do want to have pinned or not. i'm only going to allow myself on pinterest while i'm nursing so that will limit me to about 20 minutes total for the day. i honestly cannot believe how much time i waste looking at my phone when there are so many wonderful things to be doing and exploring!<br /><br />Goal 4: put my clothes away... i did really well this week! i have no clothes hanging on my bed, and only a pair of jeans and a tshirt in the bathroom. for those of you that don't know, we are still in a 1-bedroom apartment. JJ's and my bed is in our dining area, and Laela has the room for herself. This works for us because our lives don't have to stop when she goes to bed around 7:30, and she has a nice quiet space to sleep. If we slept in the same room she would always be in our bed, and would wake up all the time. Anyways, that is what makes it hard sometimes for me to put away clothes because i try not to go into the room at all once she goes down. i'm going to try to make sure that my work clothes are put away before her bedtime so i don't let it pile up each day. <br /><br />i decided to add another new goal this week... SPRING CLEANING! Princess and i are headed back to south carolina for the summer in about 4 weeks and i want to make sure that the apartment is nice and clean before we leave. i'm going to look up how to spring clean each of our small rooms and also borrow a carpet shampooer from a friend to clean our carpet. i'm going to try to do this as "green" as possible...homemade cleaners and such, so we will see how that all goes! <br /><br />well i hope y'all had a great week! and here is to us working to achieve all of our goals!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473550863163048526.post-62265152372037654992012-04-23T20:42:00.000-07:002017-06-16T09:18:45.755-07:00Week 2i have come to realize that week 2 is infinitely harder than week 1 whenever trying to start or break habits... and this was no different for me this week. i will definitely cut myself some slack though because my entire life and schedule was turned upside down. i found out that my grandfather was a lot worse than we thought he was, and he eventually passed away Friday morning, one day shy of his 82 birthday. it was also AIMS (state testing) week at school and my entire schedule was completely messed up, resulting in juggling Laela around a little bit and me having to rush home at the end of the day.<br /><br />that being said, i did NOT do so well with my goals this week. <br /><br />Goal 1: work out 4 times a week ------> i worked out twice<br />Goal 2: read my scriptures at least ten minutes every day ------> i read three out of seven days<br />Goal 3: technology fast -----> i struggled with this one. i was actually thinking of revising my guidelines to make it a little more "realistic" (read: easy) for myself to follow, but not i'm rethinking that. i really don't think that my expectations are really all that difficult to meet. probably the only 1 hour of tv would need to be extended a little bit because sometimes shows are two hours long (an hour and a half with my DVR), so i'm thinking i'll limit myself to one show instead of one hour.<br />Goal 4: put my clothes away after work -----> FAIL! haha! i did a teensy bit better, but i'm definitely staring at today's clothes hanging over my bed, and i also have clothes piled in the bathroom still. <br /><br />needless to say i'm not going to pile more goals onto myself when i didn't even do a great job this week. so, i'm going to work on those 4 goals again this week. <br /><br />i'm also going to be working on actually trying to pinpoint the catalyst for my depression. the <a href="http://kaycieq.blogspot.com/">little sister</a> has a kick butt job at this place called New Haven, which is a treatment center for girls that struggle with all sorts of things in their lives. they have this cool therapy technique where they pinpoint the girls' "core issue." it's a struggle, and many times it is heart wrenching, however this in turn makes it much easier for these girls to overcome their issues. i'm going to be watching for moments where i can feel myself sinking into a depressed state and make note of what was going on, or what happened, to push me over the edge. when we go to Florida for my granddad's memorial service in three weeks i will be having a "core issue" discussion with kaycie in order to uncover mine and help with my healing process. i know it's going to be uncomfortable, but i'm excited to make some progress on the inside as well as the outside.<br /><br />have a fantastic week!!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473550863163048526.post-67735956454773864282012-04-15T21:42:00.000-07:002017-06-16T09:18:45.771-07:00Checking In - Week 1<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span></div>Happy Sunday!!! I hope you had a fabulous week, because I sure did.<div><br /></div><div>I almost met my goals this week.</div><div><br /></div><div>Goal #1 was to work out 4 times this week... I worked out 3 times. Monday, of course, I was very motivated and actually made it to the gym for a swim. It felt awesome, and I loved being back in the water. Then Tuesday rolled around and my motivation had waned. I kept telling myself that I would get off the sofa and go for a walk, but that never happened. After I put Princess down for the night I half-heartedly put in a workout video, but that lasted all of five minutes. Wednesday my motivation had returned and I made it to a Zumba class. On Thursday, Princess and I stayed at the apartment and played because I was going to work out Friday and Saturday, but then on Friday morning I remembered that I had ZERO time to get a work out in. On Saturday, Princess and I went for an awesome walk. We live about a mile and a half away from a mall, so we decided to walk there, stopping at various stores along the way. It was super fun, and then Daddy met us for lunch. After that we went to the playground at the mall and walked around looking at puppies and cute furniture. I guess I could have made up for it today, but I had about 200 quizzes to grade, so that took priority.</div><div><br /></div><div>Goal #2 was to read my scriptures at least ten minutes every day. The only night I missed was Friday and that was only because I fell asleep literally as soon as my head hit the pillow. I don't even remember climbing into bed. The only thing I remember about that night was Princess waking up at 2 and not going back to sleep until 4:30. I read ensign articles every night, and I loved the article about being patient with your toddlers, because Princess is really trying my patience right now with her headstrong personality. </div><div><br /></div><div>This week I will continue with those goals and add two more. My first new goal is a technology fast. I spend way too much time looking at my iPhone, and way too little time looking at my Princess. I have limited time with her every day, and that time needs to be quality. So, after she goes to bed I am allowed a little bit of technology, but I am limiting Facebook to one hour a day, TV to one hour a day, and I am only going to use my phone for actual phone things and navigation, meaning no mobile apps... *gasp* i will have to check my email the old fashioned way! :-D I am hoping this will help me put things back into perspective, and help me appreciate things more.</div><div><br /></div><div>My second new goal is to PUT MY DANG CLOTHES AWAY! When I get home from work the first thing I do is strip off the work clothes and put on some comfies... fantastic yes, but it results in piles like this..</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWFP_DCYfC-fEnCEEmX60dy00-hXdZpIE4kNXcpdpYJZdWliK1sbsGgjPlRXL1sfhh6UjeUQX1-0ED4QqDhbZ8Y707Dv7hgST_kwfwjdX2nmGfntxI01l447DUmmr9YzuGin0_Pl-ByiA/s1600/photo.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWFP_DCYfC-fEnCEEmX60dy00-hXdZpIE4kNXcpdpYJZdWliK1sbsGgjPlRXL1sfhh6UjeUQX1-0ED4QqDhbZ8Y707Dv7hgST_kwfwjdX2nmGfntxI01l447DUmmr9YzuGin0_Pl-ByiA/s320/photo.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5731857057867351810" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px; " /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:78%;">(yes this is four days of work clothes hanging over my bed)</span></div><div>and this...</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMWn9ly7Bnd0ZwWzGuFPUOJYGkcaD1QttV2jfxYTnKpbkVz-1KZAtzvtVSDMuBQvAhFYPFahuIqp_oUhrIWDpY7kGCvvs2pq3LCpAMRmI_liW2QBsWlit58wGpzgaAAPqYtOB64VukKcA/s1600/photo.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMWn9ly7Bnd0ZwWzGuFPUOJYGkcaD1QttV2jfxYTnKpbkVz-1KZAtzvtVSDMuBQvAhFYPFahuIqp_oUhrIWDpY7kGCvvs2pq3LCpAMRmI_liW2QBsWlit58wGpzgaAAPqYtOB64VukKcA/s320/photo.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5731857265066288626" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px; " /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:78%;">(this is another two or three days of clothes piled in the bathroom)</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:78%;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;">One of my roles as a wife and mother is to have an orderly house. I know that we are not perfect, and my house will never be white glove ready, but the unnecessary clutter will be dealt with this week.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;">So, I will check in again next week and let you know how I'm doing. For now though, I feel great! I made sure to spend great quality time with my Princess this week and we had a blast. I feel more alive and more in control. Here is to week 2...</span></div><div><br /></div><div> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473550863163048526.post-24700467324802522742012-04-08T20:22:00.001-07:002012-04-08T20:22:53.963-07:00Change is in the AirI have started a new <a href="http://karlysjourneytobetter.blogspot.com/2012/04/welcome.html">blog</a>. <div><br /></div><div>Go on over and have a peek! :)</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473550863163048526.post-9357095736817951052012-04-08T20:07:00.000-07:002017-06-16T09:18:45.790-07:00Welcome<div style="text-align: center;">Hello! Welcome to my new blog. I'm so glad you stopped by and hope you will follow me on my journey to become a better me.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I have done a lot of thinking the last few days and have realized that I am depressed. I have struggled with depression a lot in my life for various reasons, which will not be delved into in such a public forum, but most recently I fell back into depression after Laela was born... PPD (post-partum depression)... which was also accompanied by a strong case of PPA (post-partum anxiety). These two illnesses have been affecting my life the past year and I really want to get a handle on them. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I am also going through quite a trial right now... a trail that I wouldn't wish on anyone. This trial is incredibly draining emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, and physically. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">My trail, accompanied by my PPD and PPA have made for a long and exhausting year, but I need to make some changes. I don't play with Laela or enjoy my days with her to their fullest. I don't take pride in my work anymore. I haven't been keeping in touch with my family and close friends. I haven't been taking care of my body, inside or out. I haven't been taking care of my home. And, probably the most important, I haven't been taking care of my spirit. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I have decided to take myself on a journey to find that JOY that is spoken of in the scriptures. Heavenly Father tells us repeatedly to test him, to allow him to prove to us that he keeps his promises... and that is exactly what I am going to do. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I do not have a plan, which I know I need to develop, but it's coming along in my head. I will share it as it evolves. What I do know is that I am going to desperately try to start new and positive habits which in turn will not only make me a better person, but will lift me from my depression and allow me to find JOY... JOY even in the midst of trial.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">This coming week my goal is to make sure that I read my scriptures at least ten minutes every day, and work out at least 4 times. I will be sure to check in and report my progress. Not only is this to keep me accountable to those (whoever you may be) that will be following my journey, but also so that I may have a journal of my struggles and triumphs. I want Laela to be able to read this one day and see that no matter what happens in life, that there is always a way back UP... there is always a way to find JOY.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473550863163048526.post-51624273666459021182012-03-19T13:01:00.004-07:002012-03-31T21:17:14.755-07:00Tag! You're It!<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;color:#0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span></div><div style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family:verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size:smaller;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); line-height: 20px; font-family:'Coming Soon';"><div style="text-align: center; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 20px; font-family:Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;font-size:180%;" >I've been tagged!</span></div><div style="text-align: center; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 20px; font-family:Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;font-size:180%;" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 20px; font-family:Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;font-size:100%;" >Yep, kayc-face got me, so here we go...</span></div><div style="font-size: medium; text-align: center; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><div style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); line-height: 18px; text-align: center; font-family:'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 20px; font-family:Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); line-height: 18px; text-align: center; font-family:'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 20px; font-family:Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Here are the rules:</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); line-height: 18px; font-family:'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 20px; font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">1. Post these rules.</span></div><div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 20px; font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">2. Post a photo.</span></div><div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 20px; font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">3. Post 11 random things about yourself/answer the questions</span></div><div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 20px; font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">4. Create 11 new questions and tag people to answer them.</span></div><div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 20px; font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">5. Go to their blog/twitter/facebook and tell them you've tagged them.</span></div><div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 20px; font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div></span></span></span></div></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWqwfHV3gpD4fFdlNEJNApPk_CDMe6Mksl_deCgfYKTXdQMtIE3vgVjCx_pHBOkQfnadOx-fg9U-MM63tKVvHoOI4wBVGDX4Y5_fZj98ghzhqeTUAykuGwuStUCRoFaQo4i0aVjwkNanq6/s1600/IMG_0931.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWqwfHV3gpD4fFdlNEJNApPk_CDMe6Mksl_deCgfYKTXdQMtIE3vgVjCx_pHBOkQfnadOx-fg9U-MM63tKVvHoOI4wBVGDX4Y5_fZj98ghzhqeTUAykuGwuStUCRoFaQo4i0aVjwkNanq6/s320/IMG_0931.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5721702045601684770" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px; " /></a></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); line-height: 20px; font-family:'Coming Soon';"><div style="text-align: center; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); line-height: 18px; font-family:'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 20px; font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">(this is a picture of me the day before i got married. we were at <a href="http://www.blogger.com/kaycieq.blogspot.com">kaycie's</a> mermaid show)</span></div></span></span></span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px; "><div style="font-family: 'Coming Soon'; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-size: medium; text-align: center; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family:Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px; "><br /></span></span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(38, 38, 38); font-size: 32px; line-height: 20px; font-family: Times; ">Question time:</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px; "></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(38, 38, 38); font-size: 21px; line-height: 20px; font-family: Times; "> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px; "><div style="text-align: center; "> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:officedocumentsettings> <o:allowpng/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves>false</w:TrackMoves> <w:trackformatting/> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:drawinggridhorizontalspacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing> <w:drawinggridverticalspacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing> <w:displayhorizontaldrawinggridevery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery> <w:displayverticaldrawinggridevery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> <w:dontautofitconstrainedtables/> <w:dontvertalignintxbx/> </w:Compatibility> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="276"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626"><o:p> </o:p></span></p></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px; font-size: x-large; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626"><o:p> </o:p></span></b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px; "><div style="text-align: center; "><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">1. What is your favorite childhood memory?</span></b></p></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px; "><div style="text-align: center; "><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">hmm, let's see. i actually have the WORST memory of my sisters, so this is actually a really hard question for me. i am not sure if what i have are actually memories or rather reconstructions of things my family members have told me. i also had a really GREAT childhood, so it's going to be hard to choose one, but i will do my best. the one that i keep coming back to would be when i was about 5 or 6 years old. i wanted to play T-ball... on an all boys team. my parents signed me up and my mom was taking me to my first practice. she forced me to wear a white shirt with ruffles, pink shorts with flowers on them, and white tennis shoes with those white lacy socks... you know the ones that are like a dress sock material with ridges with a bow a lace around the top. if you know me at all, you would know that is NOT the type of thing that my tomboyish self would have put on if given a choice. but... i digress. anyways, we showed up to the first practice and i got out of the car (mortified of course) and all these little boys and the all male coaches were staring at me and laughing. i.wanted.to.die. well, that is until it was my turn to bat. I HIT A HOME RUN... and not just any home run. i hit the ball out of the field and it actually landed in a lagoon. i ran around the bases and it was funny to see all their faces. ah, sweet revenge. :) </span></p></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px; "><div style="text-align: center; "><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626"> </span></p></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px; "><div style="text-align: center; "><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">2. If you could have a secret identity, what would it be?</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">i would moonlight as a hip hop dancer. i've always wanted to get in shape and take an adult hip hop class so i could be as cool as kaycie, but alas... i don't know if that will ever happen. haha</span><span style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family: Georgia;mso-bidi-font-family:Georgia"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626"><o:p> </o:p></span></b></p> </div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px; font-size: x-large; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626"><o:p> </o:p></span></b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px; "><div style="text-align: center; "><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">3. If you could go back to any time period, which one would it be and why?</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">hmm, i don't know. every era that has been awesome has also had some bad stuff to go along with it. for example, the 20s were awesome with the clothes and hairstyles, but socially there were a lot of things socially that were tough, and it was followed up by the great depression... so that's a downer. however, i have chosen the BEST time period ever. i would go back to the time of Emma. If you have ever seen the movie based on the novel by Jane Austen, starring Gwyneth Paltrow, you will know why. oh man.... the clothes, and the parties, and the hair, and the propriety... *sigh* i would love that.</span><span style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626"><o:p> </o:p></span></b></p> </div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px; font-size: x-large; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626"><o:p> </o:p></span></b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px; "><div style="text-align: center; "><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">4. What is your absolute favorite song of all time? Why?</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">"In your eyes" by Peter Gabriel. Um, have you heard it?!? nuff said.</span><span style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times; color:#535353"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626"><o:p> </o:p></span></b></p> </div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px; font-size: x-large; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626"><o:p> </o:p></span></b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px; "><div style="text-align: center; "><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">5. If you knew you were going to die in one week, what would you do for the remainder of your life?</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">i would travel like crazy to see all my family and friends, and also and i would try to get a few things on my bucket list done. i would bring Laela and JJ with me of course and i would kiss them every hour. i would rock Laela to sleep for every nap and every night, and i would sleep with her. i would make lots of love, write a lot of letters, and take a ton of pictures for Laela to remember me. gosh, just thinking about leaving my husband and baby behind got me all teary eyed... thanks for that one kayc...</span><span style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times; color:#535353"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626"><o:p> </o:p></span></b></p> </div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px; font-size: x-large; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626"><o:p> </o:p></span></b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px; "><div style="text-align: center; "><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">6. If you could relive one moment in your life thus far, what would it be and why?</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">Well, it's not really one moment, but one experience. I have been trying to get into grad school for a couple years now, however my GPA is holding me back. when i dropped out of BYU and went on my mission i had a 2.4... and my GPA for the last semester before i dropped out was a 0.86! not a great GPA for someone with a 4.0 coming out of high school and an academic scholarship (that was promptly lost). being on my own was tough and i partied a little too hard and didn't go to class. in my defense, that last semester before i dropped out was when i was formally diagnosed with depression and anxiety. my professors were not very forgiving and i received F's. when i came back from my mission i had to meet with an academic counselor and make certain goals for graduation. my goal was that i wanted to graduate with a 3.0 and get as many A's as possible. I succeeded! I graduated with a 3.01, my GPA never dipped below a 3.4 my last five semesters, and my major GPA was a 3.8. I did all of this while working full time as a manager at a restaurant. I worked my butt off. However, this has not been enough to get me into grad school. It's a little disappointing that they don't really look at the whole person to be quite honest. I don't have ANY extracurriculars because I was working full time to pay my bills. The GPA that the admissions council sees is a 2.9 because they have to factor that 0.86 in to get me a 6 semester average. While I would rather have them look at me as a person rather than a number, I understand why they have to look at that number. I also understand that it is my own irresponsibility and immaturity that it why I have to be associated with that number. That number doesn't show my potential at all. I am one smart cookie, so if i had a do-over I would go back and get good grades. my life may have turned out differently though, so that's the only thing i would change... just my effort in earning higher grades.</span><span style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626"><o:p> </o:p></span></b></p> </div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px; font-size: x-large; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626"><o:p> </o:p></span></b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px; "><div style="text-align: center; "><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">7. If you could meet anybody that has already passed on, who would it be?</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">I have a couple. I have always admired Abraham Lincoln. He is obviously my favorite president because we share the same birthday, but i also love that he was the president during the civil war and who wrote the emancipation proclamation. he is very inspiring to me. another would be Gandhi. he just blows me away with his conviction and selflessness. i wish i could be more like that.</span><span style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family:Georgia; mso-bidi-font-family:Georgia"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626"><o:p> </o:p></span></b></p> </div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px; font-size: x-large; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626"><o:p> </o:p></span></b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px; "><div style="text-align: center; "><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">8. What animal best describes you and why?</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><span style="font-size: 16pt; color: rgb(38, 38, 38); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Times;">I was having a hard time with this one so I asked some friends.</span><span style="font-family: Times; "> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Times;">The consensus is that if I were an animal it would be a bear.</span><span style="font-family: Times; "> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Times;">I am sweet, cute, and cuddly until someone messes with someone I love, and then the fierceness comes out.</span><span style="font-family: Times; "> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Times;">I like that. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Wingdings;">:)</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626"><o:p> </o:p></span></b></p> </div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px; font-size: x-large; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626"><o:p> </o:p></span></b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px; "><div style="text-align: center; "><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">9. If a genie popped up and granted you 3 wishes, what would they be?</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center; text-indent: -0.5in; "><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family:Times;mso-fareast-font-family:Times; mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#535353"><span style="mso-list:Ignore">1.</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times; color:#262626">10 million dollars - i would pay my tithing of course, get completely out of debt, get the rest of my family out of debt, buy an awesome house, two new cars, a new motorcycle for JJ, go on an awesome vacation, and then invest the rest and live modestly so that we never had to work again except for fun.</span><span style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family:Times; mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#535353"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center; text-indent: -0.5in; "><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family:Times;mso-fareast-font-family:Times; mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#535353"><span style="mso-list:Ignore">2.</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times; color:#262626">a super fit and trim body. i've realized recently that i really need to get into shape. Laela is getting more active and wants to do more things. I am by no means obese or anything, but i definitely have some extra lbs that i need to get rid of. i know that i can do it, it's just going to take some hard work and dedication, but it definitely would be nice if someone could wave a magic wand and i could just get to the maintaining phase instead of having to work to get there too.</span><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#535353"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center; text-indent: -0.5in; "><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family:Times;mso-fareast-font-family:Times; mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#535353"><span style="mso-list:Ignore">3.</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times; color:#262626">gas prices back down around $2 a gallon. it's killin me right now!</span><span style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family: Times;color:#535353"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626"><o:p> </o:p></span></b></p> </div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px; font-size: x-large; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626"><o:p> </o:p></span></b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px; "><div style="text-align: center; "><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">10. If you could have done one thing differently in your life so far, what would it be? Or do you not have any regrets and why is that?</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">well i already answered this question above with wanting to go back and get better grades in college. however, i do not have any regrets. President James E Faust of the First Presidency (LDS church) once said we should never have regrets, and i agree. while i wish i hadn't made some of the mistakes i did, and while i wish i didn't have this rebellious personality that always chooses the hard road to learn lessons, i am a better, stronger person because of those mistakes and lessons learned. my life is amazing and i wouldn't have it any other way.</span><span style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family:Times; mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#535353"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626"><o:p> </o:p></span></b></p> </div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px; font-size: x-large; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626"><o:p> </o:p></span></b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px; "><div style="text-align: center; "><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><b><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">11. If you could be the star in a movie that has already been made, which one would it be and why?</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">either Emma (staring Gwyneth Paltrow) or Pride and Prejudice (staring Kiera Knightly). I just love those books, and that time period, and the dresses... I just think it would be fun. :)</span><span style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family:Georgia; mso-bidi-font-family:Georgia"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">Here is who I tag:</span><span style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-font-family:Georgia"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">Kendra Wright</span><span style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-font-family:Georgia"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">Deveney Jensen</span><span style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-font-family:Georgia"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">Desiree Syme</span><span style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-font-family:Georgia"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">Kaela Wheeler</span><span style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-font-family:Georgia"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">Maille Yarwood</span><span style="font-size:16.0pt;font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-font-family:Georgia"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">Nicole Raber</span></p></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px; "><div style="text-align: center; "><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">Jenny Nelson</span></p></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px; "><div style="text-align: center; "><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">Julie Allen</span></p></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px; "><div style="text-align: center; "><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center; "><span style="font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;color:#262626">Joshua Ross Blade</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-indent: 11.6pt; "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:180%;"><b>Here are your questions:</b></span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-indent: 11.6pt; "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;"><b>1) How has your life turned out differently than you imagined it when you were younger, and how do you feel about the differences? Are you happy with them? </b></span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-indent: 11.6pt; "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;"><b>2) What is your favorite sound and why?</b></span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-indent: 11.6pt; "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;"><b>3) If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be and why?</b></span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-indent: 11.6pt; "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;"><b>4) If you could witness any event: past, present, or future, what would it be and why?</b></span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-indent: 11.6pt; "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;"><b>5) If you could learn to do anything, what would it be?</b></span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-indent: 11.6pt; "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;"><b>6) What would you name your autobiography? What's the story behind the title?</b></span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-indent: 11.6pt; "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;"><b>7) Have you ever had something happen to you that you thought was bad in the moment, but turned out to be for the best?</b></span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-indent: 11.6pt; "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;"><b>8) What do you miss most about being a kid?</b></span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-indent: 11.6pt; "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;"><b>9) What story does your family always tell about you?</b></span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-indent: 11.6pt; "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;"><b>10) How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?</b></span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-indent: 11.6pt; "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;"><b>11) If you could offer a newborn child one piece of advice, what would it be and why?</b></span></o:p></p></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px; font-size: x-large; ">can't wait to read your answers!! </span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473550863163048526.post-64925505406644739522012-03-16T21:15:00.002-07:002012-03-16T23:14:15.725-07:00it's been awhile...goodness gracious it's been a long time since i blogged... since November 11, 2011 to be exact. i didn't even finish my 30 days of gratitude for November. when i realize just how long it's been since i posted pictures of Laela, or printed pictures of Laela to send to the grandparents, or updated the blog, it makes me really hate being a working mom. i am so lucky to only have to work 6 hours a day and still qualify for full benefits, but i ALWAYS bring work home with me... such is the life of a teacher. i always have lessons to plans, notes or homework to create, quizzes to grade, and emails to write. i do love the perks of being a teacher though. i love that i am only gone during school hours... and really only 7:30-2 pm since i'm 3/4 time. i love that i have weekends, holidays, and summers off. i love that JJ has the flexibility to stay with her three days a week, and that one of my best friends watches her (watches her = outside time, snack time, parachute time, books, music and dancing, learning new signs every day, and lots and lots of love) the other two days. <div><br /></div><div>all that being said, if i had a choice, of course i would be home. i'm just always so tired. between my needy baby and my needy students and parents i'm always exhausted and cranky. i also feel badly because Laela usually gets the brunt of that frustration and exhaustion. when i should be taking pictures, teaching her colors, going to the park, writing letters or catching up on my blog, i'm usually in a fog of exhaustion and all i want to do is park my butt on the couch and watch tv or just take a darn nap! i know it's all about prioritization and hopefully i will be able to do better with that and make sure that Lae is getting the best of me and not the worst.</div><div><br /></div><div>anyways, let's see what's been going on lately.... oh yeah, my girl turned 1!! i'll do a special post just for that a little later on. she had her 12 month appointment (a few weeks late cause mommy spaced it) and the doctor was just amazed... as usual. :) she was 24 lbs, 30.5 inches long, and i forget her head... let's just say it's still big. :) he couldn't believe how advanced she was in both her fine and gross motor skills, and he was blown away by how much she signs. she doesn't say much, which worried me for a little bit (and still worries me if i'm being totally honest) but Dr. Steve told me not to. He said that by 15 months they like to see 5 words... including mama and dada. he even said that the other words can be as simple as hi, bye, uh oh, or no. she already says dada, mama, and night-night. she also says Jenny (my friend who watches her), and "tah" (Jenny's sister), but that's about it. She babbles all the time though so even though i wish she would say more, i'm not super worried. i think she's going to just be one of those kids that just walks up to me one day and says a complete sentence. :)</div><div><br /></div><div>JJ is doing well. He is still figure skating director at the ice rink here. He has a couple skaters that show a lot of promise and we just love their families. </div><div><br /></div><div>even though i complain about my job, it really is great. i love the kids, and i love the people i work with. they really make it worthwhile to go to work every day. it's a great job and i feel very blessed to have it and the opportunities that come along with it. </div><div><br /></div><div>so that's what's happening in our neck of the woods... i will definitely try to do better about keeping up with things. until next time, here is a little nugget for your viewing pleasure. :)</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dxnOiWrFVW8TT_OPC3NXlv71upvtEHaTwSyXHb60aoJrSbnv_Me5xDFWlIN6pskQhcey8V5zjak-JhkBg-IyQ' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473550863163048526.post-85220904821342830612011-11-10T06:37:00.000-08:002011-11-20T09:19:38.864-08:00November is for gratitude - Day 10<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoc4wyo9O85qPYCKF8Pp-DsU7_3SBqiqjedJJ2yON7itBsz5K1WURQsgzpP5wM2Dl6oXbi0H7HmMfWOFQgFOJrNYcj-N3ava5xMtnrsFT71WyTD8ohFZHpWAEFbYltv2yFyCce5yv1Cj8-/s1600/images.jpeg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 225px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoc4wyo9O85qPYCKF8Pp-DsU7_3SBqiqjedJJ2yON7itBsz5K1WURQsgzpP5wM2Dl6oXbi0H7HmMfWOFQgFOJrNYcj-N3ava5xMtnrsFT71WyTD8ohFZHpWAEFbYltv2yFyCce5yv1Cj8-/s320/images.jpeg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5675602900715575186" /></a><div style="text-align: center;">i am SO very grateful for my friends. i seriously lucked out on this one. there is something special about having a good group of friends. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">i have a few amazing friends that i still communicate with on a regular basis from childhood and high school. i have a few from college before my mission, and a few from college after my mission. i have a few from my mission. i have a few from my escapades in texas as a high school spanish teacher, and i have a few from living and working in Arizona.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">i've never been one to have a huge group of friends. i have a hard enough time keeping in touch with the few that i actually do. i have always been one to find a few good friends, work on developing those relationships, and then remaining fiercely loyal. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">i love my friends. i am so lucky for the ones that i have here in arizona, since they are really all i have here. i also miss the ones terribly that don't live here. in my perfect world we would all be living in a small town by the beach, we would all be disgustingly wealthy, our kids would be best friends, and our world would be... just that... perfect. :) maybe we should all start playing the lottery? ;)</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473550863163048526.post-40159941133530665612011-11-09T09:06:00.000-08:002011-11-20T09:09:39.074-08:00November is for gratitude - Day 9<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikECymdl7MQAsUfzwei-blU8G1TumUU6iU5lh46COYe9TxgyaELvAtzBRQKJOlM2H_i-yDQerU09zfTbgoRFTGUmx1PrPSouRyIIvEiOMcP8XJI-vkEMlxI1wzj-cocovd8UFV2OF9LVZU/s1600/images-1.jpeg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 225px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikECymdl7MQAsUfzwei-blU8G1TumUU6iU5lh46COYe9TxgyaELvAtzBRQKJOlM2H_i-yDQerU09zfTbgoRFTGUmx1PrPSouRyIIvEiOMcP8XJI-vkEMlxI1wzj-cocovd8UFV2OF9LVZU/s320/images-1.jpeg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5677125879092840674" /></a><div style="text-align: center;">i am grateful for apple. i love my Macbook, i love my iPhone, i love iTunes, i love iPhoto, i love iMovie, i love all the amazing things i can do with technology because of my handy dandy apple products. :) i am an apple girl. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473550863163048526.post-885608135742434432011-11-08T18:56:00.000-08:002011-11-20T09:06:25.704-08:00November is for gratitude - Day 8<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV95Ba-2GlzIGTLegT2lx18aKAgvP_mQ3yozh5QdzNZ-U56MmWf-mWbTLD2W3fiuPyGzgUPOAqImOibGlnHedwCH8NX6wl5onA5oQX017b51M22eG8wGr4U48Z1DngGe9EbAQCS4e2__gB/s1600/images-1.jpeg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 207px; height: 244px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV95Ba-2GlzIGTLegT2lx18aKAgvP_mQ3yozh5QdzNZ-U56MmWf-mWbTLD2W3fiuPyGzgUPOAqImOibGlnHedwCH8NX6wl5onA5oQX017b51M22eG8wGr4U48Z1DngGe9EbAQCS4e2__gB/s320/images-1.jpeg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5675793300023447698" /></a><div style="text-align: center;">i fell in love with texas in college, when i had the privilege of traveling there to visit my friend Angie and her family. there is an atmosphere in texas that you will never find anywhere else. i honestly don't have the words to describe it, because you just can't... it's something you feel.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">i then spent an amazing 18 months there on my mission and fell in love with it even more... the food... the people... the western desert... the lush eastern woods... the spring wild flowers... the gulf coast</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">after i left my mission and went back to BYU, i decided i wanted to be a Spanish teacher. i attended a teacher's fair and met a wonderful recruiter from Bryan, TX (right next to college station). i was interviewed and hired within two weeks. i went to visit, made some friends to live with, and moved away from EVERYTHING. i had an amazing year grooming young minds and i met my husband.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">i miss texas. i would move back in a heartbeat. :)</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473550863163048526.post-53617405200126977192011-11-07T19:31:00.000-08:002011-11-09T19:39:04.902-08:00November is for gratitude - Day 7<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHB0hSbY1E4eSBXnKBFx_CgCMh9LA2ZKzPM2aM35oKGII3Cm0qUMZEjZ-K8-g3FEHRRhcA7H4PA4E_JM_2vQADgvgAPimUtE_M4li0zwxkqoBeUkBlNyJXzwSNNgpCuaOAkaNXEKnpxCBc/s1600/images.jpeg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 193px; height: 261px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHB0hSbY1E4eSBXnKBFx_CgCMh9LA2ZKzPM2aM35oKGII3Cm0qUMZEjZ-K8-g3FEHRRhcA7H4PA4E_JM_2vQADgvgAPimUtE_M4li0zwxkqoBeUkBlNyJXzwSNNgpCuaOAkaNXEKnpxCBc/s320/images.jpeg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5673205849256493442" /></a><div style="text-align: center;">I am grateful for Joseph Smith. I know that he was a prophet of God. I know that he saw God the Father and Jesus Christ. I know that he translated the Book of Mormon, a book that does nothing but testify of our Savior Jesus Christ. I know that he restored the Gospel of Jesus Christ to the earth, and that we are still led by a living prophet.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473550863163048526.post-7026179946010221132011-11-06T19:12:00.000-08:002011-11-09T19:31:38.470-08:00November is for gratitude - Day 6<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRXqjVD4F-jnfitiFNrdnYdtHtBaj6y9mHZzKSkbPDyP1Hu4BJ3n2jbj2RkrrRWZj8AfB-336h5Y5GQlosUlwG-xT-AA5uELUf1Xj4ZWhqTrV9uROdb3PcLr8V8TZH3ufGrVlXRBiesSl_/s1600/DownloadedFile.jpeg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 189px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRXqjVD4F-jnfitiFNrdnYdtHtBaj6y9mHZzKSkbPDyP1Hu4BJ3n2jbj2RkrrRWZj8AfB-336h5Y5GQlosUlwG-xT-AA5uELUf1Xj4ZWhqTrV9uROdb3PcLr8V8TZH3ufGrVlXRBiesSl_/s320/DownloadedFile.jpeg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5673200540546499090" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;">Today I'm grateful for this guy. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I am reading a very interesting book right now called "The Peacegiver." The book itself is horribly written, but the message is phenomenal, and gives so much hope. The message is basically that Christ not only paid for our sins, but the sins of others against us. We don't need to hold on to the wrongs that others do against us, because they have already been paid for. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">This is a tough pill for me to swallow. To the natural part of me, it seems that by letting things go, you almost excuse bad behavior, but it's different than that. Forgiveness is NOT for the benefit of the trespasser, but rather the person trespassed against. Christ makes up the difference and heals all wounds.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">It will be difficult for me to put these lessons into practice, but I hope that as I work hard to become more like Him, that He will help me in my journey.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I love him and I am grateful for him.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473550863163048526.post-24824635565120860902011-11-05T13:18:00.000-07:002011-11-05T13:48:55.179-07:00November is for gratitude - Day 5<div><br /></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPljsEqxaM6Sf9OuXhTE5z3_iNwYMp3cav597vLhIrqRSFwUPHJR9t7UMqDP8pMfZ5-sVeHuu6hva9reU5n1X1-5l72JKRdrrbbxouKDni055K5t8b6FAB7FaAyH9Im1JPHRY2QXaXb5MG/s1600/besties.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPljsEqxaM6Sf9OuXhTE5z3_iNwYMp3cav597vLhIrqRSFwUPHJR9t7UMqDP8pMfZ5-sVeHuu6hva9reU5n1X1-5l72JKRdrrbbxouKDni055K5t8b6FAB7FaAyH9Im1JPHRY2QXaXb5MG/s320/besties.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5671609028980062770" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000ee;"><u><br /></u></span></div><div style="text-align: center;">Today I am grateful for these two clowns. :)</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Joshua Ross Blade and I met back in 1999, in Helaman Halls, during our freshman year at BYU. we have been friends ever since. we have been through a lot together, but have remained friends through it all.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I met Julie in 2007 when we went to Spain. We were roomies, and have been besties ever since. We have been a part of many shenanigans, and I wouldn't have it any other way.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I don't know what I would do without these two friends in my life. <br /><br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0