contentment

so remember that time my sister was on tv? oh, and she is going to be on again next month. she is going to be the martha stewart of utah in no time.

my sisters are amazing... so amazing that sometimes it's hard to measure up. when i see just how proud the rest of my family is of them for the many incredible things that they do, it's easy for me to get jealous... and it's easy to compare myself and see so glaringly that i don't measure up.

i am not saying this for pity, and i most certainly am not fishing for compliments (mother, i do not want a novel on how wonderful you think i am) :) ... i am simply stating the honest truth. i have always run from my potential. sometimes i get close, but then i get spooked and back away. to be honest, i do not know why... it's just the way i have always been. i have always identified myself as the screw up... the middle child... the black sheep... the fat one that hides behind humor... that is who i have identified myself as for 29 years now...

however, i know that deep inside me there is something wonderful to be discovered... just waiting patiently for me to dig deep enough... to search long enough... to try hard enough... to push past the boundaries i have set for myself in the past and discover something new...

contentment