friends... epiphanies... and other random musings

Epicurus, a Greek philosopher once said, "It is not so much our friends' help that helps us as the confident knowledge that they will help us."

thank you for your kind words and advice. you are my true friends... i have come to see that certain friendships will have to be left behind as i start this new chapter in my life, which is a bit sad, but exciting as i think of the new ones that have been formed and that will be formed. i think... no let me rephrase that... i KNOW that everything is going to be just fine.

this past week was a tough one. jj and i were fighting like cats and dogs, i have been a lazy bum not working, out of nowhere this business opportunity came up, and i jumped at it. however, this business opportunity was offered by someone that i used to be "involved" with. me being the selfish person that i am, was completely insensitive to jj's feelings and wanted to pursue this offer, because to be honest, it's great! they flew us up to utah, took great care of us, and the company is AMAZING! i would love to be a part of it, but once my husband left to come back to arizona, i realized where my real opportunity was... with him.

for the next few days i did a lot of soul searching, talked a lot to a much wiser older sister, remembered the counsel of my parents, and realized just how fiercely i loved and missed my husband. though i complain about Arizona, i could not wait to get back here to him. i realized that it absolutely did not matter where we lived or what we did... i only wanted to be with him... work with him... struggle with him.

today after he picked me up from the airport he was holding me in his arms and i just started to cry because of the immense and intense love that i felt for him. we then had one of the most beautiful conversations of our courtship and marriage. we realized that we had both been holding a piece of our heart captive and away from the other... for different reasons, but for the same purpose of somehow protecting ourselves. we have never been in a relationship like this with someone we love so much, who can hurt us the most, and neither of us are sure exactly what to do. it's all a matter of trial and error, and how blessed i am to experience this with him. we let down the walls we have been holding on to, and i am excited... excited to have all of his heart and excited to give all of mine to him.

*sigh*

i love being married :)