so those who know me, know that i have a very BIG heart... VERY big...
i feel love for just about everyone and everything (especially furry things) around me...
however, i have come to the very hard conclusion that THAT love doesn't transfer itself to me...
i have realized that i push those who mean the most to me away, because i expect them to wake up and leave me someday anyways... that way, when they leave it was because i wanted them to (hence the pushing away)
cool defense mechanism right?
WRONG
so very wrong
so as i embark on this new journey in my life... new marriage, new state, new job, new friends... i am also embarking on project "love karly"
i would say that the majority of my self-loathing comes from being overweight and spending too much money on things i don't need (like mcdonalds... it's too much money and it makes me fat... two birds with one stone!)
now, i am not telling you this because i need lots of compliments and pep-talks, i am telling you this because the people who actually read this are people that love me and are people i can divulge my innermost turmoils to without judgement. so, i don't need you to pat me on the back, but i would love comments that give me advice on how to start this project... how did you come to love yourself for you... because i need some help, and i can't afford a shrink!
hahaha! :)
Hi Karly, I do love you! I'm no expert on giving advice, but I do have some opinions on how to love yourself. My favorite scripture is this: 1 Samuel 16:7 "But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature... for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart." I think that's why we MUST look to the Lord to see our true self. The world will always make us feel bad about ourselves because they judge by the outward appearance, and that's harsh even for the most beautiful, perfect person (just look at Hollywood and see all the mean things the gossip magazines say about EVERYONE). I seriously think that this negative, prideful way of judging is an epidemic in our society. So, for that reason, we have to avoid the things of the world. It's sort of impossible in some ways, but there are a few good ways that can help, like just don't read the stupid magazines and don't watch prideful tv shows that promote that negativity. If you get those things out of your life, then you'll be so much less likely to see yourself in the way they want you to see yourself. Does that make sense? I can say for myself that when I avoid all that prideful stuff I stop thinking so much about myself and how I'm not pretty or skinny or whatever enough and I'm more able to focus on my positive qualities. But then, the minute I start looking at the prideful worldly stuff then I start thinking bad stuff about myself again. So that's my advice... just do all you can to avoid the worldly crap cuz that's what brings you down!! I love you and think you're great just the way you are, and I know that Heavenly Father loves you just as you are. Of course we should always be striving to be better, but not in the worldly ways, just in God's ways! Love you!
ReplyDeleteHi Sweetie! Your life has gone through a LOT of changes lately! And as you learn how to be a new wife and homemaker, live in a new place, tackle a new job, and become the woman that's bursting from within, I pray you will find happiness and peace. Take a deep breath. Ok, another one... How I love you! And what I feel doesn't even come close to what the Savior feels for you. Sometimes, we need to take a step back and look at ourselves through His eyes. Find a picture of the Savior and really look into His eyes. Feel the love of Him. Feel the love of His atonement for you. Try to see what He sees. He sees YOU. Not all the stuff that you see. But He understands all that you see and are feeling and wants to help. Loving yourself starts with forgiving yourself. Get rid of the rear view mirror and realize there is much more in front of you than behind you. And it is a bright future because you have so much to offer everyone around you! Understand that the hurtful things of the past are behind you. Learn from those experiences, but allow them to stay behind you--let them go--and watch how the Lord will mold and shape you as you humbly allow Him to be your guide. That's the key. That's where I found true happiness--it was in places I hadn't expected, but the Lord knew! But it was when I let go and let Him be in charge. And when I forget that truth, I find myself floundering again and have to make a course correction! You have some wonderful goals-keep your eyes on the goals. Have you ever watched a baby taking her first steps? She doesn't look down. Her eyes are up and focused on her goal. She may wobble, fall and tumble but she gets back up and fixes her eyes on her goal and continues. We could learn from her! Read Moroni 7 starting around verse 19. As you read, ask yourself, are there miracles? Are there angels? The answer is yes! Have faith! In fact, you are a miracle as far as I'm concerned! You girls did not come easily into this life--you were miracles for me! Your first few days, you struggled and I knew then that you were going to be a fighter. You proved it then and you prove it every time you conquer another challenge. And I am so blessed to have you; you're such an example for me! I cannot even begin to imagine life without you! You fill a space in my heart that no one else can. And you were born with special talents that only you can offer the world. I have always known that & I have told you that before! I'm excited for you as you learn and grow, tho growing and stretching can be uncomfortable! Never forget YOU are a choice daughter of God--believe that fact! We are all traveling on this path together and need each other. I will always be here. And I know you're there for me too! I am grateful you are my eternal daughter, sister, and friend! I love you! "May you be blessed..." Love, Mama
ReplyDeletep.s. remember how you used to always say, "Standard Seminary Answers..Personal Prayer, Scripture Study, Temple, FHE, Family Prayer, Family Scripture Study...." ???? It's all so basic but all so true and healing. It came to me after I sent the above! pss. I agree w/ Wilde! lol
ReplyDeleteWell, I love how honest and open you are in your blog. How you put it out there. I think I feel similar things as you but I am not brave enough to admit it. I loved reading Wilde's and your Mother's responses. And I would just have to agree with both of them completely. We are our own worst critics. We don't forget all the mistakes we've made. Yes, the Lord will forgive and forget things we do, but we like to hold on to things and then make ourselves suffer years after the fact. Like others have mentioned, take a step back and try to view yourself as God does. We are all a work in progress, sometimes I feel my progress is going in the wrong direction, but when I go to church or read my scriptures, promptings will come to me of things I need to do in my life to get headed back in the right direction. The Lord wants you to be happy and enjoy your life. He will help you with your goals to love yourself. Just remember Satan is very very real and is working hard on women to make them discouraged and disheartened. He loves to make you compare yourself with others. I am always struggling not to compare. It is hard! But as you focus on yourself and set personal goals and follow through with them, you will build confidence in yourself which will help you have positive feelings about yourself. Try not to be such a harsh judge of yourself. Frequent the Temple as much as you can as you try to find your way through these next few months. The spirit and peace you get there will empower you to become the person you want and need to be. I love you! Keep us updated on what works for you so I can apply it in my life too!
ReplyDeleteI am definitely the expert on life, marriage, frankly anything but I am so glad and blessed to have you as a friend. P.S. you're my only friend in AZ! :) The Lord loves you! And so do I.
ReplyDeleteI meant NOT an expert!! LOL
ReplyDelete