i have an older sister... her name is krista

this is my beautiful older sister krista. i don't even know where to begin to tell you about this amazing young woman. it was pretty tough coming along behind her as clumsily as i did, but she has been the most amazing example and friend.

now, to be honest with you... we had a bit of a rough start. she was pretty intrigued by me when she first saw me, but soon after, she informed my parents that they could take me back to wherever it was that they had gotten me. we are only 23 months apart, but that was 23 months of all the attention being on her. as you can see in the picture she obviously got over her initial dislike, and we were fast friends. as my grandma always likes to remind me... i was "always trying to catch up." the month between our birthdays was always my favorite because i was only "1" year behind her instead of 2.

now, us being friends isn't to say that we didn't have our issues. sure we fought, but she was always so protective, and we had the best time.

she was always there to calm me down and help me behave... as you can see from this picture, i wasn't having the best day. the ties on my dress are undone, and i have a look on my face that says i'm looking for trouble. krista apparently was holding me down. :) we had a blast for six long years.

and then came our very special baby. we felt like our family was complete... then kaycie came along, and then we KNEW our family was complete. she was the glue that we needed to solidify everything. now... i was the baby for six years, which made for a very interesting time in our sister world. krista was the peacemaker. she had wonderful relationships with both kaycie and me, and she would always be the intermediary in our little spats.

she was such a good big sister and took her roll very seriously. she always made sure that she set a good example for her little sisters. she took great care of us, even mothering us a bit... well, a lot. :)

(insert awkward teenage years here... kris, i decided to save us both as neither of us fared so well during those years) ;)

like i said, it was a bit tough following so closely after krista and trying to live up to the name that she had created for us. she was well spoken, creative, well behaved, well mannered, lady-like, smart, and SO incredibly talented in everything she pursued. i wanted to be just like her and completely different at the same time. she went to BYU, so i went to BYU... she went on a mission, so i went on a mission... but i know that the way that we approached those endeavors were so incredibly different.

one of the things i will always remember was the day the way i looked at krista completely changed. i had always looked at her as that older sister/mother figure... someone that i would never be able to catch, no matter how hard i tried, and someone who was stronger than i would ever be. she called me one day to tell me about an assignment she had for one of her classes. it was to write a short paper on three people she considered heroes... she said that she just wanted me to know that i was one of those people. krista told me she was grateful for the example of strength that i gave to her... because every time i fell into a hole (usually of my own making), that i fought like hell to climb back out of it.

when krista left on her mission, that was a time that allowed kaycie and i to grow closer (more on that for her bday next week) and now the three of us are best of friends. my junior and senior years at BYU were the greatest just because all three of us were there in utah.

i just thought i would throw this picture in here. krista has just hit me... and it actually hurt. :)

i could not have gotten through my wedding week without krista. she did my hair and make up, she made my bridesmaid dresses, my cake, took most of my pictures, helped mom put together my reception.

it was so special to have here there. i know it wasn't such a vacation for her, but there was something so amazing about looking over and seeing here in that sealing room...

krista, you are such an amazing and strong example to me... the way that you live the gospel and live your life helps light a fire under everyone around you. you teach us to go for our dreams and live life to the fullest. you are AMAZING and i LOVE you!!! :)

lessons learned...

as you read in my last post, my sister krista's friend catie just passed away from a three year bout with cancer. her husband steve posted his eulogy on her blog tonight, and i just got done reading it... while laying in bed... with my husband on the couch... because that's where i told him he was sleeping tonight... because of a silly fight...

how ungrateful can i be? i am sure that catie would give anything to be sleeping next to her husband tonight with her children in the next room...

steve said, "Catie was also strengthened by her faith. She had always prayed and read scriptures diligently, but she began to make an even greater effort as she relied on spiritual strength to help fight and beat cancer. Catie posted scriptures around the house as reminders. Two of her favorites were Philippians 4:13 and Romans 8:18.

Philippians 4:13 reads: “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”
And Romans 8:18 states: “For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”

Catie looked to the Lord for strength, and found hope in his words. Catie also found peace and comfort in the words of her favorite hymn, “Be Still My Soul.” The first verse reads,

Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In [every] change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy [heavenly] Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end."

through the toughest experience of her life she looked to the Lord to bring her strength... that is my resolve... i have always had a tough time with this... maybe i feel like he has more important things to worry about (like the catie's all around the world)... maybe i feel like i don't deserve his help... maybe i am afraid of his help... it says in john 7:17 that if we want to know something, we have to live it.. it's time for me to live it...

i just unlocked the bedroom door...

and he came to bed...

(check out this song.... it's AMAZING)

small worlds and big hearts

so there is this story called "how the grinch stole christmas" as i am sure you all know. the one thing that sticks with me about that story is how the grinch goes from having a tiny heart to it being said in whoville that his heart "grew three sizes" in one day. in the movie it grows so much that it almost outgrows his chest... that's how mine feels sometimes.

now... the reason i tell you this is because tonight my heart is hurting, and those of you that know me, know that i have a rather large heart. i am not sure why, but i have very tender feelings. i cry when i watch animal cops because i hurt for the animals, i cried when i heard about the tsunami, i cried about hurricane katrina, i cried my senior year of college when one of my classmates died in a car accident fall semester, and tonight i can't make the tears stop because one of my sister's very best friends has returned to our heavenly home after a very long battle with cancer...
meet catie stubben (always to be known to me as catie dunn) let me take you back to 1998... and this is where the small world starts to come in... it was february, and my birthday present that year was a trip to see krista who was in her freshman year of college at BYU. i was scared because i hadn't ever been on a big plane, and i was nervous about the whole college scene... not to mention the cold and snow! krista had the great fortune of being placed in deseret towers (may they rest in peace... they are being torn down... sad i know) on BYU campus, and what an answer to prayer that was. she became part of the most wonderful group of friends i have ever seen. they welcomed me, they loved me, they even threw me a "birthday party." it was a great trip and i was excited to head out to BYU in a year and a half.

krista and her group of friends never lost touch... through missions, marriages, kids, careers, moving around the country... they have all remained friends, which is something of a miracle in and of itself these days. not only do i know catie through my sister, but a good friend of ours marianne maycock married catie's brother, andrew, while i was on my mission. now, though not a coincidence, these two reasons are not why catie was so special to me... i honestly didn't know her all that well, as she was krista's friend... but the reason she is so special is because the stubbens were the first family that JJ was assigned to home teach after he was baptized... know what i mean about a small world? they came to our wedding reception in north carolina, and JJ was beside himself with happiness to see them. we knew it was tough for catie, and that made it all the more special that they had come to support us.

as i said before, i didn't know catie all that well, but what i did know about her was that she brightened the lives of all those who ever came in contact with her. she always had a HUGE smile on her face, and she had a great laugh. she loved the gospel, she loved her children, and she loved her husband... she just loved...

i am having a hard time making the tears stop because she was such a wonderful person and didn't deserve this in the least... then again, when do good people ever really deserve the bad things that unfortunately they are faced with. i hurt for my sister, i hurt for her husband, i hurt for her children... but most of all, i think i hurt for catie. i am sure she is happy to be free of her pain, but i am sure that it must be hard for her to leave this life and her family. i know that God has a plan, and i know with all my heart that she had a greater purpose on the other side, which is why he took her home. i know that she will have her family again someday... i know all those things, but it doesn't make me feel better right now. if someone, who was much more worthy that i, had to face a trial like this... i just don't know what i would do.

i have spent most of the night tracing the lines of my husband's face, memorizing the smell of his skin, feeling the safeness of his arms and realizing just how much i love him. these kinds of experiences really bring your mortality into perspective and make you appreciate all the blessings that you have. he is such a comfort to me and reminded me that God tests us according to our strength... everyone tells me i am so strong, but i honestly think that faced with this kind of a situation that i would not react very well. i can only hope that because i am a better person for knowing catie, that i can use her strength as a help and an example.

catie... we love you, we miss you, and we will see you on the other side...

babies are cute...

so i said something about filling in the gaps in my last post, but have been pretty busy, so here is the first. i have very few memories of my childhood. i HATE that, especially because kaycie can pretty much remember everything since the day she came out of the womb, but i like looking at pictures and hearing mom and dad tell stories... the more they tell them, the more they seem like my own memories. anyways, one thing i am famous for in my family is my scowl. hopefully none of you have ever experienced the full wrath of this look, because it is pretty fierce. i can just about get it to where you can't even hardly see the daggers coming out of my eyeballs due to the fact that my brow is furrowed so hard and deep. i would like to point out that in this picture, at two weeks old, i was already working on the perfection of that oh so useful face... it was probably because not long after this shot was taken, krista decided that it was time to take me back to wherever i had come from. :)

now, krista soon warmed up to me, at least i think so, because we got along nicely. we had a few knock down drag out fights that were usually curtailed with threats from dad, but we had a great childhood.

i don't know the story behind this picture, but i'm so stinkin cute that i decided to include it. :) i do know that i pretty much never wanted to be separated from my mom though, so i was usually strapped to her... pretty much at all times.

i am not sure at what age i discovered my thumb, but boy oh boy did i enjoy it. it was my comfort.... when i was happy, when i was sad, when i fell down stairs (cause i did that alot), when i ran head first into a glass table (which i did a few times til i finally realized i was too tall)... i sucked that thing dry! my parents tried everything from hot sauce to nail polish to this nasty tasting stuff that they coated on my thumbs to get me to stop. i usually just snuck to the bathroom to wash it off though, and then i was happy as a clam.

another great comfort was my blanket. it went right along with my thumb, and the three of us were a perfect match. i found that blanket a couple years ago, but have since misplaced it. i "silkied" the silky edges right off of that thing, and it was not in such good shape, so it's probably a good thing.

this last picture for this post makes me laugh. i have always loved reading, and this shows you just how long i sucked that thumb! i don't think i quit until i was about 8, and i only quit because i was told that i couldn't get braces until i stopped. that was all it took and i have been thumb free ever since. i do remember with fondness however just how good it tasted, and how much i loved it. i distinctly remember riding down the road with dad one day in his old blue truck just watching the world go by. we were on our way to the harbor and he asked me which one tasted better. i very seriously took a suck of each thumb and proclaimed that the right one definitely tasted better. oh the innocence and carefree of childhood... how i miss it...

that's all for now folks, stay tuned for more karly updates.

quiet days on the home front

it's been nice and quiet lately... not really anything big in the comings and goings. my birthday is in three days though, and i will be 29... not only am i in the very end of my "late 20s" but i am quickly approaching "early 30s"... WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN????

I have come up with a little overview of my life in pictures, and i'm going to post more about the in between happenings. hope you enjoy :)

i had some chubbies when i was little, and believe it or not i was pretty much a blond until about kindergarden.

pre school days.

welcoming our newest boat to the fleet. (1988ish)

don't worry too much about that hairdo or awesome dress... try to focus on krista's shirt and bangs!

family pictures... i think just before or after krista left for college

freshman year buddies at BYU... surprisingly enough, almost 11 years later, ang and i have kept in touch, and josh and i have been besties every since.

don't feel too bad for daddy... he loves his crazy girls. (college graduation... FINALLY!) :)

and now... married! can you even believe it!?! i sure can't. i just feel so lucky to have had the greatest life up to now... and it's only going to get better. like i said, in the next few days i will be filling in the cracks... so get ready! :)

i have a grandma, and her name is sally...

... but i usually just call her "gram." it was her birthday on the 11th, and i just wanted to give her a little shout out.

grandma sally is one amazing lady, and i feel so lucky to have been close to her all my life. some people get to see their grandparents like once every five years, i got to grow up in the same town. i love that i get to look back on my childhood and remember things like Sunday dinners every week, birthday shopping trips, grandparents that came to swim meets, volleyball games, graduations, and weddings.

one of my fondest memories is when my mom had to go to work for a few months. we were so lucky to have a mom that stayed home with us, but even more lucky to have family support when that wasn't an option for a little while. we got to ride the bus down to grandma's house, and i will never forget the smell of fresh baked banana bread as i walked into her house.

now, things weren't always sunshine and roses with myself and grandma sally. i don't remember this so much, but i am told that i was quite a pill when i was younger. :) i think that i get a lot of my sassy and vivaciousness from grandma. we weren't always the best of friends, but once we got to spend more time with each other, and understand each other a little better, we became the best of friends.

the day my grandparents sold their house on hilton head to retire fully to their property down in florida was one of the saddest days of my life. i knew that things would never be the same... those carefree sundays were a thing of the past, and we were going to be "normal" kids that only got to see their grandparents at holidays and family functions. they are happy down there though, and that's what matters. and, though they aren't just down the street anymore, they are always there for us. they flew halfway across the country to come to my college graduation, and then drove up to the island for my wedding. i know those trips weren't easy on them, but i am so grateful they were there.

grandma and i have a special bond, and we miss each other terribly (or i would like to think) :) i'm pretty sure she misses me to because i always hear a hint of a tear when she tells me she loves me, misses me, and can't wait to see me again.

love you grandma, i hope you had a very happy birthday, and i look forward to many more to come!

contentment

so remember that time my sister was on tv? oh, and she is going to be on again next month. she is going to be the martha stewart of utah in no time.

my sisters are amazing... so amazing that sometimes it's hard to measure up. when i see just how proud the rest of my family is of them for the many incredible things that they do, it's easy for me to get jealous... and it's easy to compare myself and see so glaringly that i don't measure up.

i am not saying this for pity, and i most certainly am not fishing for compliments (mother, i do not want a novel on how wonderful you think i am) :) ... i am simply stating the honest truth. i have always run from my potential. sometimes i get close, but then i get spooked and back away. to be honest, i do not know why... it's just the way i have always been. i have always identified myself as the screw up... the middle child... the black sheep... the fat one that hides behind humor... that is who i have identified myself as for 29 years now...

however, i know that deep inside me there is something wonderful to be discovered... just waiting patiently for me to dig deep enough... to search long enough... to try hard enough... to push past the boundaries i have set for myself in the past and discover something new...

contentment