just breathe

it's been a tough couple weeks... allow me to share why...

jessica - she was one tough cookie to crack. her brother is a drug dealer, and i don't even want to think about all the things she sees and is involved in. she glared at me for 70 minutes every day while in class, and then whenever she saw me outside of class. she was rude, antagonistic, and just plain mean sometimes. however, last week she came into class with a red nose and red eyes. i thought she wasn't feeling well so i just left her alone. ten minutes later i look back at her and there are tears streaming down her face. i take her outside where she immediately buries her face in my chest and starts sobbing. she then informs me she is pregnant... by a boy in our school who also got another of my students pregnant three months ago... he is 19, jessica is 15. she told me she was going to get an abortion and for the first time in my life i was actually ok with that. i do not want that poor baby to be carried in her drug and alcohol infested body, and i certainly do not want it to be raised the way she was. she has since stopped glaring. by no means are we best friends, but she smiles when she sees me. she has recently decided that she isn't getting an abortion, and she jumped a girl last week... while carrying a baby.

ashley - our 20 year old crack whore... no really, it's true. we know she's a prostitute, and that she is a user... did i tell you she was pregnant? well, she was doing really great for a couple weeks, coming to class, we could tell she was clean... she disappeared. i haven't seen her for ten days.

maricela - immigration surrounded her house monday morning as everyone was getting ready for school and work. they took every illegal adult in her house into custody. that left her, a 15 year old, in charge of her little brothers. they are all being deported this week.

1st period Spanish 3 class - tells me all the time about the life they have to live... about the shootings, about their brothers who are gangsters getting shot in the face in drive bys, about the gas station where one of them works getting robbed by nine year olds sent in by their older siblings... what happened to being a child?

there are some bright spots however in this...

isaac - he lives on 67th avenue... that's 74 blocks away from school, but he is determined to finish this year (he's 19), and this is the longest he has ever stayed in school in about three years. the other day one of the administrators was being particularly rude to him, and he didn't say anything back. he stood there and took it. i was proud of him, and i told him.

khadijah - oh this child. two weeks ago i wanted to tell her to stop coming to school. that she was a waste of space and time, but recently she has rededicated herself to getting good grades. she has actually started paying attention and doing her work. hopefully she will keep it up.

johnell and damien - these boys are my favorite part of the day. they provide my comic relief. johnell is probably one of the smartest kids we have in school. he is about to turn 19, and got mixed up in some stuff at his last school, which got him kicked out. he has since turned his life around and is really trying to do things right. he came to our school to be there for his cousin, damien. damien got his ankle monitor off last week and we are going to make sure it stays off this time. johnell is a great example to him, and damien has totally made a turn for the better. he still has some trouble with respecting authority, but he is ten times better than he used to be. my room is their hang out, and i'm glad. i miss my kids from last year, and they are the closest thing to reminding me of them.

one of my favorite movies is Ever After... and the reason for it being my favorite movie is one simple line... "just breathe."

i just finished the third season of Grey's Anatomy and this song was the season closer... i love it... when life gets you down, just keep breathing...