Potential (December 28, 2008)

i found a really cool definition of potential on dictionary.com today. it says, "a latent excellence or ability that may or may not be developed." i LOVE that, and let me tell you why. when i started teaching four months ago, i didn't think i would make it one week much less one semester. when people asked me about my job i would say, "i HATE it... teaching is not for me... i think i'm going to quit... i'm leaving!" and now i say, "i LOVE it... i found my passion in life... i always want to teach... i never want to leave my kids!" daddy asked me today what changed me, and i told him it was my kids. they weasel their way into your heart, clasp on, and don't ever let go. i do not know what i'm going to do when i have to leave my kids... they say you should call them your students, but they are more than that to me. they are my family.
the beginning of my mission was really hard. i had NO idea what i was in for. i hated the work, i hated the area, i was sick... the only bright spot was my trainer that told me it was ok to cry... so cry i did! :) my dad sent me a letter when i was a few weeks into the field basically telling me to suck it up, but he said something that has stuck with me ever since. he quoted heber j. grant who said that when we are presented with a difficult task, we work at it until we can accomplish it. this doesn't mean that the task at hand becomes any easier, but rather that our capacity to accomplish it has grown.
i pulled it together, and served a great mission, just like i pulled it together and became a great teacher. i don't say that i'm a great teacher because my kids are actually learning spanish... because they aren't... but that's not what i'm worried about. i am worried about them eating dinner... i am worried about them coming to school every day... i am worried about them getting hurt in a fight... i am worried about how much pot they smoke and how much alcohol they drink... i am worried about them getting pregnant... i am worried about them not making it through high school. have you ever seen the movie "freedom writers?" those are my kids... not on such an extreme scale, but they have that same defeated attitude about school and life. i make sure my athletes do their work because they have to pass. if they don't pass, they don't play, and what else do they have to come to school for? what else do they have to try for?
i say i am have become a great teacher because of how absolutely i am smitten by these kids. some teachers can come to school at 8, go home at 4, and not think about the kids at all... i however, cannot. i think about them constantly, and i don't get to leave school at 4 because my room is full of kids until around 6. we eat, we play games, we listen to music, we have so much fun. my life has meaning because i bring meaning to them. i know that some are indifferent, but for others.... for myself... i am saving the world. i am going to start posting some of the fantastic things my kids do so that others can fall in love with them too.
marianne williamson said that when we become liberated from our fear, that we automatically liberate others and give them permission to do the same. i feel like this is the same for our potential. now, by no means have i reached my full potential, but every day i show up and love my kids, i get one step closer. as i reach for my own potential every day i give my kids permission to do the same. i absolutely do NOT care if they learn spanish... i just want them to know how much i love them and how much i believe in them... they can make it, just like i made it, but they have to make the choice. man i love my job :)