Sunday, February 28, 2010

lessons learned...

as you read in my last post, my sister krista's friend catie just passed away from a three year bout with cancer. her husband steve posted his eulogy on her blog tonight, and i just got done reading it... while laying in bed... with my husband on the couch... because that's where i told him he was sleeping tonight... because of a silly fight...

how ungrateful can i be? i am sure that catie would give anything to be sleeping next to her husband tonight with her children in the next room...

steve said, "Catie was also strengthened by her faith. She had always prayed and read scriptures diligently, but she began to make an even greater effort as she relied on spiritual strength to help fight and beat cancer. Catie posted scriptures around the house as reminders. Two of her favorites were Philippians 4:13 and Romans 8:18.

Philippians 4:13 reads: “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”
And Romans 8:18 states: “For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”

Catie looked to the Lord for strength, and found hope in his words. Catie also found peace and comfort in the words of her favorite hymn, “Be Still My Soul.” The first verse reads,

Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In [every] change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy [heavenly] Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end."

through the toughest experience of her life she looked to the Lord to bring her strength... that is my resolve... i have always had a tough time with this... maybe i feel like he has more important things to worry about (like the catie's all around the world)... maybe i feel like i don't deserve his help... maybe i am afraid of his help... it says in john 7:17 that if we want to know something, we have to live it.. it's time for me to live it...

i just unlocked the bedroom door...

and he came to bed...

(check out this song.... it's AMAZING)

Monday, February 22, 2010

small worlds and big hearts

so there is this story called "how the grinch stole christmas" as i am sure you all know. the one thing that sticks with me about that story is how the grinch goes from having a tiny heart to it being said in whoville that his heart "grew three sizes" in one day. in the movie it grows so much that it almost outgrows his chest... that's how mine feels sometimes.

now... the reason i tell you this is because tonight my heart is hurting, and those of you that know me, know that i have a rather large heart. i am not sure why, but i have very tender feelings. i cry when i watch animal cops because i hurt for the animals, i cried when i heard about the tsunami, i cried about hurricane katrina, i cried my senior year of college when one of my classmates died in a car accident fall semester, and tonight i can't make the tears stop because one of my sister's very best friends has returned to our heavenly home after a very long battle with cancer...
meet catie stubben (always to be known to me as catie dunn) let me take you back to 1998... and this is where the small world starts to come in... it was february, and my birthday present that year was a trip to see krista who was in her freshman year of college at BYU. i was scared because i hadn't ever been on a big plane, and i was nervous about the whole college scene... not to mention the cold and snow! krista had the great fortune of being placed in deseret towers (may they rest in peace... they are being torn down... sad i know) on BYU campus, and what an answer to prayer that was. she became part of the most wonderful group of friends i have ever seen. they welcomed me, they loved me, they even threw me a "birthday party." it was a great trip and i was excited to head out to BYU in a year and a half.

krista and her group of friends never lost touch... through missions, marriages, kids, careers, moving around the country... they have all remained friends, which is something of a miracle in and of itself these days. not only do i know catie through my sister, but a good friend of ours marianne maycock married catie's brother, andrew, while i was on my mission. now, though not a coincidence, these two reasons are not why catie was so special to me... i honestly didn't know her all that well, as she was krista's friend... but the reason she is so special is because the stubbens were the first family that JJ was assigned to home teach after he was baptized... know what i mean about a small world? they came to our wedding reception in north carolina, and JJ was beside himself with happiness to see them. we knew it was tough for catie, and that made it all the more special that they had come to support us.

as i said before, i didn't know catie all that well, but what i did know about her was that she brightened the lives of all those who ever came in contact with her. she always had a HUGE smile on her face, and she had a great laugh. she loved the gospel, she loved her children, and she loved her husband... she just loved...

i am having a hard time making the tears stop because she was such a wonderful person and didn't deserve this in the least... then again, when do good people ever really deserve the bad things that unfortunately they are faced with. i hurt for my sister, i hurt for her husband, i hurt for her children... but most of all, i think i hurt for catie. i am sure she is happy to be free of her pain, but i am sure that it must be hard for her to leave this life and her family. i know that God has a plan, and i know with all my heart that she had a greater purpose on the other side, which is why he took her home. i know that she will have her family again someday... i know all those things, but it doesn't make me feel better right now. if someone, who was much more worthy that i, had to face a trial like this... i just don't know what i would do.

i have spent most of the night tracing the lines of my husband's face, memorizing the smell of his skin, feeling the safeness of his arms and realizing just how much i love him. these kinds of experiences really bring your mortality into perspective and make you appreciate all the blessings that you have. he is such a comfort to me and reminded me that God tests us according to our strength... everyone tells me i am so strong, but i honestly think that faced with this kind of a situation that i would not react very well. i can only hope that because i am a better person for knowing catie, that i can use her strength as a help and an example.

catie... we love you, we miss you, and we will see you on the other side...

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

babies are cute...

so i said something about filling in the gaps in my last post, but have been pretty busy, so here is the first. i have very few memories of my childhood. i HATE that, especially because kaycie can pretty much remember everything since the day she came out of the womb, but i like looking at pictures and hearing mom and dad tell stories... the more they tell them, the more they seem like my own memories. anyways, one thing i am famous for in my family is my scowl. hopefully none of you have ever experienced the full wrath of this look, because it is pretty fierce. i can just about get it to where you can't even hardly see the daggers coming out of my eyeballs due to the fact that my brow is furrowed so hard and deep. i would like to point out that in this picture, at two weeks old, i was already working on the perfection of that oh so useful face... it was probably because not long after this shot was taken, krista decided that it was time to take me back to wherever i had come from. :)

now, krista soon warmed up to me, at least i think so, because we got along nicely. we had a few knock down drag out fights that were usually curtailed with threats from dad, but we had a great childhood.

i don't know the story behind this picture, but i'm so stinkin cute that i decided to include it. :) i do know that i pretty much never wanted to be separated from my mom though, so i was usually strapped to her... pretty much at all times.

i am not sure at what age i discovered my thumb, but boy oh boy did i enjoy it. it was my comfort.... when i was happy, when i was sad, when i fell down stairs (cause i did that alot), when i ran head first into a glass table (which i did a few times til i finally realized i was too tall)... i sucked that thing dry! my parents tried everything from hot sauce to nail polish to this nasty tasting stuff that they coated on my thumbs to get me to stop. i usually just snuck to the bathroom to wash it off though, and then i was happy as a clam.

another great comfort was my blanket. it went right along with my thumb, and the three of us were a perfect match. i found that blanket a couple years ago, but have since misplaced it. i "silkied" the silky edges right off of that thing, and it was not in such good shape, so it's probably a good thing.

this last picture for this post makes me laugh. i have always loved reading, and this shows you just how long i sucked that thumb! i don't think i quit until i was about 8, and i only quit because i was told that i couldn't get braces until i stopped. that was all it took and i have been thumb free ever since. i do remember with fondness however just how good it tasted, and how much i loved it. i distinctly remember riding down the road with dad one day in his old blue truck just watching the world go by. we were on our way to the harbor and he asked me which one tasted better. i very seriously took a suck of each thumb and proclaimed that the right one definitely tasted better. oh the innocence and carefree of childhood... how i miss it...

that's all for now folks, stay tuned for more karly updates.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

quiet days on the home front

it's been nice and quiet lately... not really anything big in the comings and goings. my birthday is in three days though, and i will be 29... not only am i in the very end of my "late 20s" but i am quickly approaching "early 30s"... WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN????

I have come up with a little overview of my life in pictures, and i'm going to post more about the in between happenings. hope you enjoy :)

i had some chubbies when i was little, and believe it or not i was pretty much a blond until about kindergarden.

pre school days.

welcoming our newest boat to the fleet. (1988ish)

don't worry too much about that hairdo or awesome dress... try to focus on krista's shirt and bangs!

family pictures... i think just before or after krista left for college

freshman year buddies at BYU... surprisingly enough, almost 11 years later, ang and i have kept in touch, and josh and i have been besties every since.

don't feel too bad for daddy... he loves his crazy girls. (college graduation... FINALLY!) :)