small worlds and big hearts

so there is this story called "how the grinch stole christmas" as i am sure you all know. the one thing that sticks with me about that story is how the grinch goes from having a tiny heart to it being said in whoville that his heart "grew three sizes" in one day. in the movie it grows so much that it almost outgrows his chest... that's how mine feels sometimes.

now... the reason i tell you this is because tonight my heart is hurting, and those of you that know me, know that i have a rather large heart. i am not sure why, but i have very tender feelings. i cry when i watch animal cops because i hurt for the animals, i cried when i heard about the tsunami, i cried about hurricane katrina, i cried my senior year of college when one of my classmates died in a car accident fall semester, and tonight i can't make the tears stop because one of my sister's very best friends has returned to our heavenly home after a very long battle with cancer...
meet catie stubben (always to be known to me as catie dunn) let me take you back to 1998... and this is where the small world starts to come in... it was february, and my birthday present that year was a trip to see krista who was in her freshman year of college at BYU. i was scared because i hadn't ever been on a big plane, and i was nervous about the whole college scene... not to mention the cold and snow! krista had the great fortune of being placed in deseret towers (may they rest in peace... they are being torn down... sad i know) on BYU campus, and what an answer to prayer that was. she became part of the most wonderful group of friends i have ever seen. they welcomed me, they loved me, they even threw me a "birthday party." it was a great trip and i was excited to head out to BYU in a year and a half.

krista and her group of friends never lost touch... through missions, marriages, kids, careers, moving around the country... they have all remained friends, which is something of a miracle in and of itself these days. not only do i know catie through my sister, but a good friend of ours marianne maycock married catie's brother, andrew, while i was on my mission. now, though not a coincidence, these two reasons are not why catie was so special to me... i honestly didn't know her all that well, as she was krista's friend... but the reason she is so special is because the stubbens were the first family that JJ was assigned to home teach after he was baptized... know what i mean about a small world? they came to our wedding reception in north carolina, and JJ was beside himself with happiness to see them. we knew it was tough for catie, and that made it all the more special that they had come to support us.

as i said before, i didn't know catie all that well, but what i did know about her was that she brightened the lives of all those who ever came in contact with her. she always had a HUGE smile on her face, and she had a great laugh. she loved the gospel, she loved her children, and she loved her husband... she just loved...

i am having a hard time making the tears stop because she was such a wonderful person and didn't deserve this in the least... then again, when do good people ever really deserve the bad things that unfortunately they are faced with. i hurt for my sister, i hurt for her husband, i hurt for her children... but most of all, i think i hurt for catie. i am sure she is happy to be free of her pain, but i am sure that it must be hard for her to leave this life and her family. i know that God has a plan, and i know with all my heart that she had a greater purpose on the other side, which is why he took her home. i know that she will have her family again someday... i know all those things, but it doesn't make me feel better right now. if someone, who was much more worthy that i, had to face a trial like this... i just don't know what i would do.

i have spent most of the night tracing the lines of my husband's face, memorizing the smell of his skin, feeling the safeness of his arms and realizing just how much i love him. these kinds of experiences really bring your mortality into perspective and make you appreciate all the blessings that you have. he is such a comfort to me and reminded me that God tests us according to our strength... everyone tells me i am so strong, but i honestly think that faced with this kind of a situation that i would not react very well. i can only hope that because i am a better person for knowing catie, that i can use her strength as a help and an example.

catie... we love you, we miss you, and we will see you on the other side...

babies are cute...

so i said something about filling in the gaps in my last post, but have been pretty busy, so here is the first. i have very few memories of my childhood. i HATE that, especially because kaycie can pretty much remember everything since the day she came out of the womb, but i like looking at pictures and hearing mom and dad tell stories... the more they tell them, the more they seem like my own memories. anyways, one thing i am famous for in my family is my scowl. hopefully none of you have ever experienced the full wrath of this look, because it is pretty fierce. i can just about get it to where you can't even hardly see the daggers coming out of my eyeballs due to the fact that my brow is furrowed so hard and deep. i would like to point out that in this picture, at two weeks old, i was already working on the perfection of that oh so useful face... it was probably because not long after this shot was taken, krista decided that it was time to take me back to wherever i had come from. :)

now, krista soon warmed up to me, at least i think so, because we got along nicely. we had a few knock down drag out fights that were usually curtailed with threats from dad, but we had a great childhood.

i don't know the story behind this picture, but i'm so stinkin cute that i decided to include it. :) i do know that i pretty much never wanted to be separated from my mom though, so i was usually strapped to her... pretty much at all times.

i am not sure at what age i discovered my thumb, but boy oh boy did i enjoy it. it was my comfort.... when i was happy, when i was sad, when i fell down stairs (cause i did that alot), when i ran head first into a glass table (which i did a few times til i finally realized i was too tall)... i sucked that thing dry! my parents tried everything from hot sauce to nail polish to this nasty tasting stuff that they coated on my thumbs to get me to stop. i usually just snuck to the bathroom to wash it off though, and then i was happy as a clam.

another great comfort was my blanket. it went right along with my thumb, and the three of us were a perfect match. i found that blanket a couple years ago, but have since misplaced it. i "silkied" the silky edges right off of that thing, and it was not in such good shape, so it's probably a good thing.

this last picture for this post makes me laugh. i have always loved reading, and this shows you just how long i sucked that thumb! i don't think i quit until i was about 8, and i only quit because i was told that i couldn't get braces until i stopped. that was all it took and i have been thumb free ever since. i do remember with fondness however just how good it tasted, and how much i loved it. i distinctly remember riding down the road with dad one day in his old blue truck just watching the world go by. we were on our way to the harbor and he asked me which one tasted better. i very seriously took a suck of each thumb and proclaimed that the right one definitely tasted better. oh the innocence and carefree of childhood... how i miss it...

that's all for now folks, stay tuned for more karly updates.

quiet days on the home front

it's been nice and quiet lately... not really anything big in the comings and goings. my birthday is in three days though, and i will be 29... not only am i in the very end of my "late 20s" but i am quickly approaching "early 30s"... WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN????

I have come up with a little overview of my life in pictures, and i'm going to post more about the in between happenings. hope you enjoy :)

i had some chubbies when i was little, and believe it or not i was pretty much a blond until about kindergarden.

pre school days.

welcoming our newest boat to the fleet. (1988ish)

don't worry too much about that hairdo or awesome dress... try to focus on krista's shirt and bangs!

family pictures... i think just before or after krista left for college

freshman year buddies at BYU... surprisingly enough, almost 11 years later, ang and i have kept in touch, and josh and i have been besties every since.

don't feel too bad for daddy... he loves his crazy girls. (college graduation... FINALLY!) :)

and now... married! can you even believe it!?! i sure can't. i just feel so lucky to have had the greatest life up to now... and it's only going to get better. like i said, in the next few days i will be filling in the cracks... so get ready! :)

i have a grandma, and her name is sally...

... but i usually just call her "gram." it was her birthday on the 11th, and i just wanted to give her a little shout out.

grandma sally is one amazing lady, and i feel so lucky to have been close to her all my life. some people get to see their grandparents like once every five years, i got to grow up in the same town. i love that i get to look back on my childhood and remember things like Sunday dinners every week, birthday shopping trips, grandparents that came to swim meets, volleyball games, graduations, and weddings.

one of my fondest memories is when my mom had to go to work for a few months. we were so lucky to have a mom that stayed home with us, but even more lucky to have family support when that wasn't an option for a little while. we got to ride the bus down to grandma's house, and i will never forget the smell of fresh baked banana bread as i walked into her house.

now, things weren't always sunshine and roses with myself and grandma sally. i don't remember this so much, but i am told that i was quite a pill when i was younger. :) i think that i get a lot of my sassy and vivaciousness from grandma. we weren't always the best of friends, but once we got to spend more time with each other, and understand each other a little better, we became the best of friends.

the day my grandparents sold their house on hilton head to retire fully to their property down in florida was one of the saddest days of my life. i knew that things would never be the same... those carefree sundays were a thing of the past, and we were going to be "normal" kids that only got to see their grandparents at holidays and family functions. they are happy down there though, and that's what matters. and, though they aren't just down the street anymore, they are always there for us. they flew halfway across the country to come to my college graduation, and then drove up to the island for my wedding. i know those trips weren't easy on them, but i am so grateful they were there.

grandma and i have a special bond, and we miss each other terribly (or i would like to think) :) i'm pretty sure she misses me to because i always hear a hint of a tear when she tells me she loves me, misses me, and can't wait to see me again.

love you grandma, i hope you had a very happy birthday, and i look forward to many more to come!

contentment

so remember that time my sister was on tv? oh, and she is going to be on again next month. she is going to be the martha stewart of utah in no time.

my sisters are amazing... so amazing that sometimes it's hard to measure up. when i see just how proud the rest of my family is of them for the many incredible things that they do, it's easy for me to get jealous... and it's easy to compare myself and see so glaringly that i don't measure up.

i am not saying this for pity, and i most certainly am not fishing for compliments (mother, i do not want a novel on how wonderful you think i am) :) ... i am simply stating the honest truth. i have always run from my potential. sometimes i get close, but then i get spooked and back away. to be honest, i do not know why... it's just the way i have always been. i have always identified myself as the screw up... the middle child... the black sheep... the fat one that hides behind humor... that is who i have identified myself as for 29 years now...

however, i know that deep inside me there is something wonderful to be discovered... just waiting patiently for me to dig deep enough... to search long enough... to try hard enough... to push past the boundaries i have set for myself in the past and discover something new...

contentment

game on

so i started this new diet... i know, you shouldn't diet, just change your lifestyle, but that's kind of what it is. it's all about eating balanced small meals all day and all that jazz. twist is that you play on a team, and you play against other teams. everyone puts $20 in a pot and the individual and team winners split the pot... pretty cool huh?

yeah i didn't do so well this week. it's tough to start new habits especially when you have to pack everything in the morning. some of the ladies i am playing with are stay at home moms and have access to their foods all day. oh well, i'll adjust. i just hope going to mexico doesn't derail me too much! woot! we leave thursday for our honeymoon.... CAN'T WAIT! :)

goodbye 2009...

so i was really excited about ringing in the new year... we weren't too sure what we were going to do, but we both had to work and we were going to talk about it when i got home about 5:30... yeah that didn't happen the way we planned. please let me tell you about how my new year's eve unfolded...

8:30 - arrive at work, open bank with the other tellers and bankers

10:00 - make a quick run to QT across the street with chelsea for a hot chocolate/taquito/corn nuts run

10:45 - get robbed... WHAT?!?! you all may be thinking? yep, i got robbed. let me break this down for you.

this guy walks in the bank and i was the only teller available at that moment.

-karly- "hello, welcome to wachovia. what may i assist you with today?"

-bank robber (BR)- "oh i just have a check to cash."

-karly- "oh no problem, i can assist you right over here."

-BR- *walks up to my station fishing in his pocket for something... which i assume is that

check he needs cashing*

-karly- "do you have an account with us?"

-BR- "no"

-karly- "oh no problem, i'll just need to look at the check" [and i'm thinking... cool,

maybe i can get him to open an account and i can get referral credit!]

-BR- *tosses plastic grocery bag over the counter*

-karly- [think to myself, 'i know this a-hole did not just throw a piece of trash over the

counter at me to throw away'] *looks at man and smiles* "oh, would you like me

to throw that away for you?"

-BR- *looks at me like i'm crazy* "no, fill it up"

-karly- *looks at BR like he's crazy* ...long two seconds of silence... "what?"

-BR- *gets very menacing look on his face* "you have ten seconds to fill that up before i start unloading" [which i take to mean he is threatening to shoot me and my friends]

"10,9,8,7..."

-karly- *staying very calm and going into the zone* "oh sure, i can do that for you" *opens

drawer, puts in money... starts to give BR the plastic bag of money*

-BR- *glaring* "there better be some 50s and 100s in there" [there wasn't... i didn't give

him my big money]

-karly- *getting more and more scared, puts in more money, hands bag over*

-BR- *turns and walks away*

-karly- "thank you, have a nice day" [yes i did actually say that]

-BR- *out the door, starts running, runs into street, drops money bag, almost gets creamed

by a car, picks up money bag, runs away*

-karly and girls- *yell to bankers that we got robbed, punch alarms, call 911, lock down bank

(poor customer that got stuck inside), follow all protocol, do everything right*

-girls to karly (who is standing very still in shock)- "are you ok?"

-karly- ..."no" *immediately bursts into tears and starts shaking*

so then i was in isolation for an hour and a half. i was interviewed by a police detective and then an FBI agent. they dusted for prints and started a manhunt. i still don't think they caught him... homeboy had a good day at the bank.

i still replay it every few minutes, i cry every once in awhile, i won't let JJ out of my sight, and i had a nightmare about it last night in which i kicked my husband... twice!

needless to say i was not up for a rockin new year's eve. i needed something more low-key, so we got to meet up with miles and kendra at the temple. we walked around, took some pictures, and then made our way back to miles parents' home. we played a rousing round of rock band, ate some food, and i promptly crashed. i was so tired so we made our way home, and we were asleep by 11:30. :)

so... i am happy that 2009 is over, and i look forward to a new year... and i will make my way out of banking because i never want to experience that again!