faker!

so this morning i totally faked sick so i didn't have to go to the gym! now... faking is kind of relative because i genuinely did not feel well. i had a stuffy nose, my chest was all gunky, and my throat hurt (though that might have been because i was thirsty)...

but come on!

we didn't go to bed until after midnight, and jj wanted to get up at 6 am... yes 6 am... to go to the gym before work

here is my reasoning... a) we needed more sleep, b) we have two hours from when he comes home from the bank to when he goes to the ice rink and we can go then, and c) i HATE... LOATHE getting up early when it's still dark outside.

he was so sweet too! he got me a cough drop, made sure i had water, felt my head every twenty minutes to see if i had a fever, and he curled around me as we slumbered to make sure i was warm. my husband is amazing! once it was 7:30 (and light outside) instead of 6:00 i "felt a little better." so, to repay his amazingness i made him a scrumptious breakfast to start the day right. i cooked him up some eggs and bacon with a piece of toast with butter and honey (just like he likes it).

i feel a little shameful (but much more rested and content)... yes, i did not feel well, but not quite as sick as i made myself out to be... and the ONLY reason i confess this is because he doesn't read my blog...

let's hope he doesn't start today! :)

friends... epiphanies... and other random musings

Epicurus, a Greek philosopher once said, "It is not so much our friends' help that helps us as the confident knowledge that they will help us."

thank you for your kind words and advice. you are my true friends... i have come to see that certain friendships will have to be left behind as i start this new chapter in my life, which is a bit sad, but exciting as i think of the new ones that have been formed and that will be formed. i think... no let me rephrase that... i KNOW that everything is going to be just fine.

this past week was a tough one. jj and i were fighting like cats and dogs, i have been a lazy bum not working, out of nowhere this business opportunity came up, and i jumped at it. however, this business opportunity was offered by someone that i used to be "involved" with. me being the selfish person that i am, was completely insensitive to jj's feelings and wanted to pursue this offer, because to be honest, it's great! they flew us up to utah, took great care of us, and the company is AMAZING! i would love to be a part of it, but once my husband left to come back to arizona, i realized where my real opportunity was... with him.

for the next few days i did a lot of soul searching, talked a lot to a much wiser older sister, remembered the counsel of my parents, and realized just how fiercely i loved and missed my husband. though i complain about Arizona, i could not wait to get back here to him. i realized that it absolutely did not matter where we lived or what we did... i only wanted to be with him... work with him... struggle with him.

today after he picked me up from the airport he was holding me in his arms and i just started to cry because of the immense and intense love that i felt for him. we then had one of the most beautiful conversations of our courtship and marriage. we realized that we had both been holding a piece of our heart captive and away from the other... for different reasons, but for the same purpose of somehow protecting ourselves. we have never been in a relationship like this with someone we love so much, who can hurt us the most, and neither of us are sure exactly what to do. it's all a matter of trial and error, and how blessed i am to experience this with him. we let down the walls we have been holding on to, and i am excited... excited to have all of his heart and excited to give all of mine to him.

*sigh*

i love being married :)

love...

so those who know me, know that i have a very BIG heart... VERY big...

i feel love for just about everyone and everything (especially furry things) around me...

however, i have come to the very hard conclusion that THAT love doesn't transfer itself to me...

i have realized that i push those who mean the most to me away, because i expect them to wake up and leave me someday anyways... that way, when they leave it was because i wanted them to (hence the pushing away)

cool defense mechanism right?

WRONG

so very wrong

so as i embark on this new journey in my life... new marriage, new state, new job, new friends... i am also embarking on project "love karly"

i would say that the majority of my self-loathing comes from being overweight and spending too much money on things i don't need (like mcdonalds... it's too much money and it makes me fat... two birds with one stone!)

now, i am not telling you this because i need lots of compliments and pep-talks, i am telling you this because the people who actually read this are people that love me and are people i can divulge my innermost turmoils to without judgement. so, i don't need you to pat me on the back, but i would love comments that give me advice on how to start this project... how did you come to love yourself for you... because i need some help, and i can't afford a shrink!

hahaha! :)

LAZINESS

hey y'all. this week has been one full of lazy days in sweatpants, and i have LOVED every second of it! :) krista actually had to get very firm with me last night telling me to get out of my sweatpants and get to church! :) it was nice to get dressed... i even put on some heels!

anyways, today is my three month anniversary and i can't believe it! it seems like forever, but at the same time it feels like yesterday. we have little squabbles every few days (today was not immune either) but we generally get over things pretty quickly (at least i do), and we go on with our lives. we have had A LOT of time together this week, and it's been fun. i do look forward to getting back to work though and not feeling completely useless.

anyways, that's been my week. some tv, a new book, the gym just about every day, and lots of time with the hubby. love it :)

moving on...

well, it's been awhile and i just wanted to write a little update to let you know what's going on in my life.

i quit my job...

i realized that i had to do what was best for everyone. i absolutely did not want to be at work every day, which was detrimental to myself and the students. to be a teacher you need to be ON 100% of the time, and i was unable to do that. these students are especially needy, and i just didn't have enough of me to go around. i will certainly miss some of them, but overall i am very happy with my decision.

so what will i do now?

i got a job as a full time/bilingual teller for wachovia. there is lots of opportunity for advancement in the banking industry, and i am excited for the new challenge. i am definitely going to keep working on my certification for teaching out here, and hopefully i will be able to get a job next school year either in gilbert or chandler. we shall see. i am just taking one day at a time.

just breathe

it's been a tough couple weeks... allow me to share why...

jessica - she was one tough cookie to crack. her brother is a drug dealer, and i don't even want to think about all the things she sees and is involved in. she glared at me for 70 minutes every day while in class, and then whenever she saw me outside of class. she was rude, antagonistic, and just plain mean sometimes. however, last week she came into class with a red nose and red eyes. i thought she wasn't feeling well so i just left her alone. ten minutes later i look back at her and there are tears streaming down her face. i take her outside where she immediately buries her face in my chest and starts sobbing. she then informs me she is pregnant... by a boy in our school who also got another of my students pregnant three months ago... he is 19, jessica is 15. she told me she was going to get an abortion and for the first time in my life i was actually ok with that. i do not want that poor baby to be carried in her drug and alcohol infested body, and i certainly do not want it to be raised the way she was. she has since stopped glaring. by no means are we best friends, but she smiles when she sees me. she has recently decided that she isn't getting an abortion, and she jumped a girl last week... while carrying a baby.

ashley - our 20 year old crack whore... no really, it's true. we know she's a prostitute, and that she is a user... did i tell you she was pregnant? well, she was doing really great for a couple weeks, coming to class, we could tell she was clean... she disappeared. i haven't seen her for ten days.

maricela - immigration surrounded her house monday morning as everyone was getting ready for school and work. they took every illegal adult in her house into custody. that left her, a 15 year old, in charge of her little brothers. they are all being deported this week.

1st period Spanish 3 class - tells me all the time about the life they have to live... about the shootings, about their brothers who are gangsters getting shot in the face in drive bys, about the gas station where one of them works getting robbed by nine year olds sent in by their older siblings... what happened to being a child?

there are some bright spots however in this...

isaac - he lives on 67th avenue... that's 74 blocks away from school, but he is determined to finish this year (he's 19), and this is the longest he has ever stayed in school in about three years. the other day one of the administrators was being particularly rude to him, and he didn't say anything back. he stood there and took it. i was proud of him, and i told him.

khadijah - oh this child. two weeks ago i wanted to tell her to stop coming to school. that she was a waste of space and time, but recently she has rededicated herself to getting good grades. she has actually started paying attention and doing her work. hopefully she will keep it up.

johnell and damien - these boys are my favorite part of the day. they provide my comic relief. johnell is probably one of the smartest kids we have in school. he is about to turn 19, and got mixed up in some stuff at his last school, which got him kicked out. he has since turned his life around and is really trying to do things right. he came to our school to be there for his cousin, damien. damien got his ankle monitor off last week and we are going to make sure it stays off this time. johnell is a great example to him, and damien has totally made a turn for the better. he still has some trouble with respecting authority, but he is ten times better than he used to be. my room is their hang out, and i'm glad. i miss my kids from last year, and they are the closest thing to reminding me of them.

one of my favorite movies is Ever After... and the reason for it being my favorite movie is one simple line... "just breathe."

i just finished the third season of Grey's Anatomy and this song was the season closer... i love it... when life gets you down, just keep breathing...

Mawwige

please tell me you all know to what movie i am referencing when i say marriage with such an amusing speech impediment. :) it has been a tough weekend to say the least. i was out to nachos with the girls from work on Friday afternoon after work, and it was a very interesting conversation we had at the table. three of us are newlyweds of 6 months, 2 months, and 1 month. let's just say that i'm glad for the sake of those around us that the music was very loud! :) anyways, Joy, newlywed of 6 months was telling us of her snotty students informing her that they knew she was only there teaching for the money... oh because they pay us teachers SO very much money! and she informed them that she was there because she loved teaching. one of her particularly snotty students then asked, "really miss? you wake up every day excited to come teach us?" to which Joy replied, "it's a little like marriage. i am married to a man who i love more than anything in the world, but i don't wake up every morning and think, 'GOSH i'm glad i married him.' There are good days and bad days." So, we talked about that for a little while. i LOVE being married... i love to see his face when i come out of the closet wearing a particularly cute outfit... i love that he kisses me every morning despite my wicked morning breath... i love that i come home in the afternoon to a clean apartment... i love that he actually DOES wake up every morning happy to be married to me (even when i'm a psycho!)... but sometimes it's so stinkin hard!

why does marriage have to be so hard sometimes???

sometimes i miss the independence and freedom of the single life, but then he walks through the door with a huge smile on his face just because he sees me, and i remember what this is all about. i remember that it's hard because nothing worth it comes easy... it's hard because we are two headstrong adults full of pride... it's hard because we make it that way... it's hard because we are selfish (we meaning the human race... not ME of course! haha) it is when we forget ourselves and put the other first that marriage is beautiful.

someone once said,

"Marriage is the glue that holds us together as we fall in and out of love."

I like that...